Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse

  Ever since I was a little kid I wanted to be Spider-Man, and I deemed those that didn't understand insane. How could they not get it? What part of their cognitive thinking was missing to allow them to think that Spider-Man wasn't as cool as I believed he was? Five year old me was smitten. Obviously now at 22, still enamoured by the entire concept, I realise that people are entitled to their own opinions, even if they're fucking WRONG. (Thanks Pewds). 
   
  I saw Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse yesterday at the 3pm showing. At the time of writing this, it's been 21 hours, I slept for eight of them, and I still cannot physically, mentally or emotionally conceive of how perfect it was. I can't think of the correct words I want to use because I know none of them will do it justice. The animation, design, soundtrack, scripting, voice acting, etc, every piece of work that went into this movie needs to be fully appreciated by all that see it. Frame by frame, Spider-Verse is a visual masterpiece and in the least try-hard way possible. It doesn't need to do any of the usual pretentious movie shit, all it needs to do is... be.

  My eyes were wet and teary through 90% of the film, and glinting with nostalgic delight throughout. Miles Morales is a wonderful character and I think having the film's groundwork solely around him and everything he's trying to overcome, not only physically in New York but the issues in his head is a fantastic message for a lot of young people. It made me realise that I spent so many years searching for acceptance from my peers and those around me, including faceless people on the internet that I didn't even know, and it was only when I made the conscious decision to end that search that I found the approval I was so desperately seeking. When Miles comes to this conclusion during the final arc, we see his full potential and he shines.

  The involvement of classic Peter Parker was probably what made me the giddiest. His usual sarcastic and pointed humour mixed with a slight intonation of contempt felt familiar to me. Almost like I'd never been away. The moments that showed his age and his vulnerabilities, including the insecurities involving his relationship with Mary Jane Watson, reinforced the feeling that I grew up with this man. Not just Spider-Man, or the slew of others we've seen as the movie industry morphed and changed, but this man. Peter. B. Parker is the perfect representation of my hero. My web-slinger. As a kid, he would've given me the most hope and shown me the best things about myself even when I couldn't see them.

  For years everyone has been undecided on who should be 'the one' to represent Marvel's classic hero, but Spider-Verse teaches us that there isn't one. Spider-Man is inherently selfless, loyal, trustworthy, quick-witted, well-humoured, self-sacrificing and compassionate, but best of all he shows us how draining and debilitating it is to be all those things. It is not easy to be good, yet somehow Spider-Man always manages it regardless of the toll it takes on himself. That has always been the message and I'm so glad it continues to be the theme of the Spider-Verse. Anyone can wear the mask.

Signed,

Elijah.

Meta Sentience.

31/12/2018

Stop.

  I'm feeling an overwhelming level of angst lately. I don't know whether it's due to the fact that I'm a piece of shit and am unable to complete any goals I set, or if it's down to something much deeper. Let's be honest, It's probably a mixture of both. The want to be validated so desperately, and receiving nothing in return for the things I do for people. That's how it's always been and that's how it's always going to be. It's a precarious subject because if anyone reads this, they will undoubtedly have questions. I can't deal with questions right now, but I'm out here anyway. What am I searching for? What is this thing so buried within me that I can't hear anything over the noise it makes? I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop. I'm unravelling. My head hurts and the ache in my stomach will n0t subside. It will never end.

Summer

  "It's your choice."

  I don't think I've ever been more afraid of that phrase in my life. Three little words and I was terrified.

  After having not been a pet owner for a number of years now, I figured that maybe I'd forgotten how it felt to lose them. But the moment it happens again, it all comes rushing back. Like a deluge of rain that you can't hear the world over. That's how it felt when Summer passed. The feeling of helplessness was indescribable, and it's enough to drive anybody insane.

  Around two weeks ago, my partner noticed a small scratch on the inside of our albino rat's ear. We thought nothing of it until I came home a few days later and noticed a small stream of blood coming from the area we'd previously seen the scratch. This was, of course, concerning so sought out an exotic veterinarian close by.

  We waited to see if she would wash the blood off herself since she was always preening, and for the most part, she did. Unfortunately, she was clearly irritated and continued to scratch at the small wound until she really opened it up. There was blood everywhere. Her tank was like the set of a horror movie and I genuinely wasn't certain whether she would last the night until we could get her to the vet the next morning. She did, and when the consultation was over, we left with anti-inflammatory medication and high hopes.

  The next few days went by quickly, and things were looking positive. The medication made her drowsy and eased her pain enough that she could clean the wound without more injury, just like the vet wanted. She had basically completely healed after only a few days. We were so relieved.

  Unfortunately, our relief was short lived. She continued to scratch despite still being medicated, and the wound opened back up again. Another vet visit dictated that she had an infection and there was no way of knowing how bad the internal damage was without putting her under anaesthetic.

  On Wednesday the 28th of November, at 12:37pm, the vet rang me and asked for permission to put Summer to sleep. It was the hardest phone call of my life, and the worst decision I ever had to make. But there was no other choice. I couldn't be selfish and let her suffer under the extreme pain and stresses that multiple surgical procedures would have put her under.

  There is probably more I could add to this post, but this is all I can manage right now. I don't have the energy nor the mental stability for anything else. It's been a few weeks and we're all still hurt from the empty space.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
18/12/2018

The Mind of Jake Paul: Thoughts and Post-Series Impressions

I want to preface this post by saying that what I write is coming from a completely unbiased place. I did not and do not watch Jake Paul's content, but I have kept up with the drama since the beginning through the commentary community. I never chose a side, and with that in mind, I’ve followed up by watching Shane Dawson's docuseries as he is a content creator that I personally enjoy.

  With that out of the way, here we go.

  Jake Paul. A household name on YouTube. Infamous for the creation of Team 10, the pool fire incident and the media van desecration, his competitive relationship with his brother, and the Alissa Violet situation - all of which cost him a lot in terms of reputation.

  At the beginning of the year, after I'd written two or three posts on Logan Paul and the whole Suicide Forest mess, I promised that their names would never be mentioned on this blog again. I'm breaking that promise today because my opinion has changed, and that's okay. Opinions on people and past events can differ and fluctuate, and it's fine to recognise that as a healthy thing. I'm not denying that Jake Paul, like his sibling, has done his fair share of shitty things, and I'm certainly not about to sit here and make excuses for him. Get ready to clench because here comes the but...

  I honestly think Jake deserves a second chance.

  Yes, Jake. Jake Paul. A part of me can't believe I just typed those words, but that’s coming from a side of me that didn’t know all the facts or all sides to the story. I made judgements before I knew anything, and that was based solely on my dislike for Logan.

  Shane Dawson decided to meet with Jake and observe him, then interview him about every topic that people did or do still have questions on. If there's one man on YouTube willing to find the biggest magnifying glass and the brightest light to put somebody under I think we all know that Shane is the guy to do it. The conclusion I took from it, which isn't all that profound, ended up making a whole lot of sense to me. It's just not that deep.

  One of the first and most prominent opinions I formed is that of everybody on each opposing side, including Alissa Violet, Jake seemed to be the one that gave the most honest and genuine reaction when Shane was conducting the interview. His breathing was stunted like he was speaking before he could find the breath to help the words come out. Like he was holding everything in his chest as if it were a strain on his lungs. I know I personally feel the same sensation when I'm both anxious and trying to keep myself together. It's almost like suffocating. I think this came in response to being so open and honest, being able to share his unfiltered feelings, and he was entirely afraid of what Shane or the audience's reaction might be to that. Not only did he answer every question without hesitation, but every response is so clearly unrehearsed. He didn't attempt to embellish how he was feeling, and he admitted to the things he did without reproach or regret, and I respect that.

  Over the last two years, Jake has been through months of bad press, 24-hour media coverage, lawsuits and fallouts. I think during all that, people forgot that Jake is... well, he's just a kid. Such a big thing that people constantly overlook is that Jake was young and lacked maturity. He was nineteen when he formed his company, and spent a long time living with his friends making what was perceived as funny and questionable content for their young audience. I believe that this lack of maturity mixed with 'the YouTube grind' contributed to many of the problematic situations Jake was caught up in. Including what happened with the Martinez twins and Alissa Violet. Both of which ended with Jake stabbed in the back.

  I don't believe that mentally Jake is mature even now at the age of 21. I think the lack of a 'normal' childhood has caused him to use the time he should be spending learning and growing on having the fun he missed out on as a kid. This meant that he became complacent and was able to be easily manipulated by those around him, as well as manipulating who he needed to in order to get his way without realising. After Nick Crompton made the decision to leave the Team 10 house, I think Jake unknowingly lost the one person at the time that could keep his head out of the fog. And Jake being immature and probably unused to losing people, probably saw Crompton's departure as a betrayal.

  The last point I'd like to touch on is the quite profound change we can see in Jake since Erika Costell's involvement in his life. Since Costell became a more permanent fixture, it's pretty clear that she's had a calming effect on him. He is far more controlled at present as opposed to the reckless, unsafe, joyriding young man we saw in the old clips. He appears focused, and determined to work on himself with her encouragement and reassurance. For me, Erika's positive response to Shane revealing he'd had a therapist accompany them really says a lot. She wants the best for him, and it's so blatant to see.

  In conclusion, Jake Paul does not deserve to be persecuted and scrutinised by everybody in the world just because they know his name. People can rarely see what's actually happening on the inside, and nothing gives us the right to automatically know his business or judge him. Grown adults sending so many negative vibes to a kid that barely knows who or what he wants to be is not something I can condone. Especially not somebody dealing with everything Jake has on his shoulders. Of the series' that Shane has spent his time on so far this was the one that I was most interested in. Everybody knew about the beef, everybody had made their decision already. But now we know the truth.

Written by Elijah Radford.
Proofread by Rhys Davies.
Meta Sentience.
23/10/2018

On My Way Back

  So it's been a couple of weeks. Maybe a month? I'm not certain, but yeah. I'm not dead. I've been working on a big piece, and kind of struggling to actually work on it if I'm honest. I've had some encouragement, and it's going pretty well, I'm just really lazy and unmotivated. I procrastinate like crazy and it really isn't good for me - or this blog.

  I apologise. I love you all, and I love this formless entity. I really do. It's just that sometimes it's difficult to compartmentalise my thoughts, and even more of a struggle to word them.

  But don't panic, I'm not here to pander to you. I'm just checking in. Like a dad checking on the kids after they've been in their rooms for nine hours, except I'm the one in my room and the kids are wondering if I'm ever coming out. I'm coming out of here soon, and I hope you like what I'll have for you when I do.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/09/2018

3.61538462

  It’s been a few weeks, hasn’t it. A month, maybe? I’ve missed this, but I felt it necessary to take some time away. Nevertheless, it’s good to see the sun and feel this place.

  The one thing I don’t want to do is let this blog die. I posted twice every week for an entire year without fail, sometimes more frequently if the thought struck me, and it took a lot for me to stay so consistent. I’m not a consistent person. You’ve probably gathered that much by now.

  I’m feeling odd at the moment. Somewhere between a menagerie of nostalgic, melancholy and lost. I went through 188 weeks worth of direct messages on Instagram to find some specific people. That’s just over three and a half years. 3.61538462 if you’re interested in the actual number. Some people haven’t been active since 2015, meaning they’ve either moved accounts or they’re just... gone. What do I do if they’re just gone?

  I found a message from a lady called Marianne. She was asking about her son because I knew him well and she was worried. I searched for his and I’s DM’s but I cant find them. I can’t find his account either. I can’t help but think the worst, even if it isn’t true. It’s hard to imagine people after so long. I used to be close with a lot of people, but that seems like an age ago now. The harsh reality is that relationships staunch and die, and sometimes there’s no way to breach that impasse.

  You should always try though. It can be worth sending that awkward message. You could get them back.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
21/08/2018

Hello Again

  Blog post...blog post... words... English...

  Oh! I didn't see you there. It's been a few weeks, how are you? Not doing so hot? I'm sorry. I wish we could talk it out and find the root of the issue, but alas, I am predetermined text written by a moron and am unfortunately unable to respond. But feel free to speak and I promise I will listen. Though if you choose not to, it is of no detriment to me.

  I've been very much in the writing mood lately but had no inspiration so I preferred to remain quiet. Until now, of course! Because an empty house in which I can blare my music as loud as humanly possible really puts me in the mood. Twine has been calling my name again, so I think I'm going to work on something simple for that platform. I've been saying that a lot but I do really want to. Something about the simple, coloured text on a black screen really gets my jimmies rustled. So mysterious. It makes people question if you're actually okay.

  The answer would be questionable.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
09/08/2018

The Egotist

  I chose the title simply because it sounded similar to The Escapist by Nightwish. Proper bop, that is. I prefer to have short and sweet titles; that way once it's thought of it's done and I don't have to acknowledge it again. Plus sometimes they're clever and I get a kick out of them. (This is not one of those times).

  Anyway, the title is in reference to a bloke volunteering where I work. He's one of those people that fall into the archetype of speaking constantly but says absolutely nothing of use or interest. He speaks when he isn't spoken to and when I have no desire to be interacting with anyone, let alone somebody I do not know nor care about. If you think I'm embellishing the point too hard, let me elaborate. Supposedly he's originally from Ireland and moved to where I am located when he reached the budding age of seven, he speaks English, Irish, Dutch and is learning Spanish. He's a goth, (allegedly? I'm not sure why he bothered with that piece of information or saw it as important, as well as his deviating sexuality), and apparently, he has numerous mental issues and attempted suicide.

  I'm not being pedantic, and I'm not making fun, but is the latter really something you tell somebody upon your first meeting? Is it necessary for our work relationship that I am told? Is he a risk to me personally? No...? Then I don't care. I have no interest in his life whatsoever and I do not care to learn. He shows strong signs of narcissism and he is a pathological liar. I don't want to be fed information, and certainly not if it is false. We are not friends. We aren't going to go drinking together and form an astoundingly beautiful connection. I am not somebody for him to dump his problems onto, real or not. Who would've thought I'd have to state that outright.

  I'm done being pessimistic now. I just wanted to get that out. Have a good rest of the week.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
25/07/2018

Indefinite

  Hey there.

  So, it’s been a couple weeks, hasn’t it? In all honesty, I don’t know, but it hasn’t been too long. It’s not like I’ve abandoned you. Although it does feel a little like I’ve wandered into my Animal Crossing town after months to find it covered in weeds. The flowers are dead and all my favourite neighbours have fucked off. Or, another analogy, perhaps it’s like playing one game for so long that you forget the controls to your favourite. You’ve been healing with square for so long in one game that you forget it’s triangle in the other.

  What the fuck am I talking about?

  I didn’t feel well yesterday. Maybe this is the remnants of that hellscape. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was indescribable, and the headache I had was abhorrent. I couldn’t focus on anything and my eyesight wasn’t the best. But yes, that’s where I am right now. It’s in this indecipherable mess somewhere. Am I doing okay? Who knows. Am I trying? Definitely.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/07/2018

Derk Souls III

  I sort of had a post ready for today, but the contents of it are void so I’m deciding not to post it. Ooh, the mystery. Don’t worry, you’re not missing anything.

  Anyway, instead, I’m just gonna talk a little bit about Dark Souls III. So far, I’m really enjoying my experience with the game, despite having done a lot of things out of order because I had very little exposure. For instance, I accidentally found the NPC that takes you right to the Ashes of Ariandel DLC - something I certainly wasn’t prepared for at level 31. Now at level 52, (I think), I’ve found my way to the Cathedral of the Deep. I was supposed to be here before defeating the boss in the Catacombs of Carthus, entering Irithyll of The Boreal Valley, and maybe even before defeating the Abyss Watchers.

  Can we take a minute to appreciate the Abyss Watchers? I’ve adored that fight for such a long time. The pure enigma of it. Clashing of swords before you push open the heavy double doors, then witnessing what’s happening inside, and of course, being launched into the game-changing fight. Don’t get me wrong, it’s basically a straight rip of Lady Maria from Bloodborne who's been re-skinned... but there are multiple Watchers fighting you AND each other. As far as I can recall, that’s never been done before in the Soulsborne franchise. Sure there's been multiple enemies in a boss fight before, time after time, but never fighting one another.

  Other than Iudex Gundyr, the first tutorial boss, and the Abyss Watchers, the bosses in the game have been lacklustre so far in comparison to past instalments. There is a chance that I am still so enamoured by Bloodborne and the fights in that game that I am biased. Orphan of Kos, for example, is my favourite fight in The OId Hunters DLC and the base game. Not only is it challenging, but completely unpredictable for new players. Orphan, in my opinion, has no broken hitboxes, stupid attacks or cheap, one-hit-kill grabs, (the latter of which we see way too often in Soulsborne games). Every move is perfectly telegraphed and the arena in which you fight is gargantuan.

  This isn't the first Soulsborne post I've written, and it probably won't be the last. And I'm fine with that. It seems the best of my writing comes out when it comes to gaming. I hope you all have a great week, and I'll try to update on Friday.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/07/2018

A Year in Reflection

  My schedule, at this point, is non-existent. Do you miss me? Do you miss me at all? When I used to plan things and upload on time before my life sTARTED FALLING APART-

  I'm kidding.

  I'm not, but still! Schedules are for people with no imagination. Who knows when I'll just pop in with an innovative, groundbreaking post that completely alters your perception of the world around you... I've been wondering the same thing. Where oh where did my good content go? I've no idea, but you know what? You know why the blog is drying up like Amy Schumer's career? (Somebody please make her stop). It's because it's been a whole year since I started this... this thing!

  Woo!

  Hurrah!

  Happy Anniversary to you Meta Sentience!

  Somebody, please send help. Release me from this hell.

  In all seriousness, I feel like I've explored a lot of things this past year. I've uploaded twice every week, more if the situation struck me, and I've felt a growth. An insignificant amount of self-discovery, perhaps, but an amount nonetheless. I've given myself time to focus properly on my writing, which is something I wanted to achieve. I set a goal, and for once I actually made the effort to reach it. Maybe I didn't cover anything some people would find particularly interesting, but I did it.

  It's actually strange thinking back on the posts that I've written in only twelve months. Game and movie reviews, my thoughts and feelings about certain things - I even broached politics; something I promised I would stay away from for your benefit. The YouTube drama that was taking place back in January with Logan Paul being allowed to do as he pleases. He is a persisting problem, by the way, somebody get on that ASAP. Can anybody really believe it's been six months since he strolled into the suicide forest with the intention of filming corpses for that sweet, sweet ad revenue?

  And where are we now? ... me complaining about my drastically declining mental health while my life continuously struggles to get started. The jump cables keeping me running are held together with glue and electrical tape but somehow they refuse to give out. I'm proud of myself for that if nothing else. That, and for this blog. In a way, it's been a lifeline and maybe I haven't given it or myself enough credit.

  I might think about uploading once a week now that the first year is over. More time might give me a chance to write some great and meaningful content. I'd like that a lot. Thank you for sticking with me and for giving me the benefit of the doubt when I was struggling. Having my writing seen by the few that still read this feels indescribably euphoric. You give me the chance to be heard.

  Thank you. x

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
20/06/2018

Solitude

  I watched a programme today about five people voluntarily going into solitary confinement for five days with absolutely no connection to the outside world. As I was watching, I couldn’t help but think how insane that experience would send me. Despite being very introverted, I spend a lot of time on my phone - never really doing all that much, but just enough to satisfy my restlessness. It's a problem, I know that, and I need to get better with it.

  A couple of days in confinement is unfathomable, let alone, let's say, forty years like Charles bronson had to endure. I need some form of contact whether I like to admit it or not. Leaving my apartment is an absolute chore and I don't enjoy dealing with people at all, but I know if I didn't go out, and if I didn't have the internet, I would crack. Isn't that absolutely sad? How much we rely on social media in order to just... not go mental? We chose that.

  Music is a big thing for me. Music, writing and games. All three allow me to get out of my own head and be somewhere else. Have you ever listened to a song and imagined that you're the main character in a film or a music video? I do that a lot. Especially with sad songs. I don't know why, but I really like unhappy music. A lot of people say that it brings their mood down, but if anything it allows me to reflect. I think if I had to deal with something like solitary confinement I would take an iPod, or a CD player or something. Bronson's preferred mode of entertainment is his art, and I think that says a lot about him.

  I'm not sure what this post was supposed to be. I didn't really have a plan. I guess I was just thinking about being alone. Choosing loneliness is one thing, but being forced into it is... something else.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/06/2018

  

Manic Mentality & Gaming Stuff

  I thought I'd missed posting on here today before I realised it wasn't Wednesday, which is tomorrow, but Tuesday. It's unfathomable how quickly I lose track of days. I mean, we're already in June... June! Where on earth is time going? Perhaps being sucked up in an insatiable, slobbering maw never to be seen again. Entirely possible, I think. I mean, flat-earthers still exist.

  I had work for the first time in a few weeks, and it was the first time I actually enjoyed being there it in months. It seems that lately whenever I go in, my mental health declines at the velocity of Richard Hammond rolling off another race-track and as he takes the corner. After the crashes he'd had, I'm not sure why anybody would let him get into a vehicle capable of going more than thirty - bit like my brain really. One second I'm absolutely fine and in the most optimistic mood, the next I'm careering off a 500-foot drop.

  Not sure how to change the subject now, but Dark Souls 3 came in the mail today. I'm going to be spending a lot of time playing it... if I can manage to pull myself away from Bloodborne. That game still gets so much flack, even after two and a half years of helping From Software push forward better mechanics for future games; better UI's and faster, more imaginative gameplay, as well as a few ideas that will be utilised in Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, (which looks exactly like NIOH btw).

  I want to write more game reviews in the future so I'd really appreciate some suggestions of what you'd want to read about. Also, we're coming up to a whole year on this blog, so expect some kind of pandering thank you post around the 20th of this month... if I remember. Have a good rest of the week.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/06/2018

Salt

  It’s just been one of those days today. One of those days where I have no patience for anything or anybody. No, person at work that I do not like nor want to be around, I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want you to tell me about yourself - in fact you’ve already told me so much that I could write your biography. And no, I didn’t ask. No, I don’t care. You’re seeking attention and I refuse to give it to you, not because you don’t deserve my attention, no, more that you don’t deserve any at all. Please refrain from speaking to me, lest I flash white with rage and cause you great injury.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/06/2018

Post-Con Blues

  Post-convention blues; not as cool as G.I Blues, but still very much a thing. The depression that clouds your head after an event where you see certain people only once or twice a year. It seems to come around so slowly, and then it's gone in the blink of an eye. But I can say I had a lot of fun and met a bunch of lovely people as well. The heat was the only thing really offputting about the entire weekend. It was way hotter than last year - to put that into perspective, I wore all leather and somehow faired better.

  The rain on Saturday morning, though, was lovely. We left my flat dressed to the nines just as the downpour started, slow and steady at first before it picked up and became ten times heavier. I've always preferred the wet weather to sunny weather in terms of temperature control at conventions, and this time we got both. When we got there we stood beneath an umbrella for twenty or so minutes, squished in with our two friends, before we were allowed in.

  It was the standard convention experience, but I had an amazing time as always. I'd describe it in more detail but honestly, I'm starving and need to go make my dinner. Have a great week everyone.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/06/2018

Short and Sweet

  There's something so enigmatic about the closeness of a simple hug. The way your hearts start to beat a symphony in synchronisation if you stand together long enough, like a game of through-the-chest patty cake or a repetitive, bond-strengthening high five. In those moments anything said from either side is between the two of you, and there's something so, so magical about that. The whimsicality and safeness of being held in strong arms, of the lilting elegance of a soft embrace. Nothing beats it.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/06/2018

Rainy Days

  The rain is siling down today and I feel positive. As a self-admitted pluviophile, waking to the calm, almost ocean-like sound of rainfall is uplifting. It's been hot in the UK these past few weeks and it's fair to say we've all suffered. The weather has been all over Facebook and Twitter, that's how you know the Brits are struggling. The rain is a much-needed change for me. It makes the outside less... quiet.

  My last entry didn't go down well in terms of viewership, which I'll be honest stunted me a little. I worked hard on that post and barely anyone read it according to the stats. That's the sole reason I try not to pay too much attention to numbers. I don't want to quake just because I don't reach that many people. Working hard on my writing should be reason enough to be pleased with it. I'm going to try and put out a similar post as Tym on Friday.

  Speaking of whom, I managed to find his Skype on my old account and add him back on my current one. After a day he accepted my request. He's still quiet but he's okay and we've reconnected. I'm taking that as a win.

  Have a great week, everybody.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
30/05/2018

Tym

  Tym and I met rather serendipitously over YouTube about five years ago. I don't remember the exact date. In fact, I don't remember much, I only recall being maybe a little too smitten with him. Everything about him turned my hard scowl into a wide, somewhat playful grin in response to his own. His voice was deep and croaky, and it constantly sounded like he'd been awake for only minutes after a thirteen-hour nap snoozing away jet lag. His tone was constantly disinterested and monotonous but he was friendly with everybody he met.

  His ever-changing mood was difficult to keep up with, though. One second he would send message after message in his upbeat typing style that was sometimes difficult to decipher and understand, and others he would message you first but still only respond with a word or two. He wanted to speak with people, to keep that connection, but had the energy for it only half the time. Speaking with him verbally was the same; one minute he couldn't be stopped and the next he'd rather listen instead. I liked all sides of him. When he couldn't be contained and when he was so fatigued that we regularly wondered if he'd fallen asleep while gaming with us. (He had).

  He didn't speak prevalently of his anxiety but it was there, and on that front, I could relate. I would ask him what the cause was and he would tell me that he didn't know, he just felt uncomfortable. Apparently, he got it 'from his mum's side'. To ease that feeling of discomfort, he played games like Resident Evil and Silent Hill. Seemed a little bit backwards to me, playing games that could eke fear out of anybody to soothe himself, but it worked. He uploaded videos of himself playing that garnered maybe four or five hundred views if he was lucky. But his channel was there for him, not for anybody else.

  One of his playlists that I took a particular interest in was called 'wall staring', and the content within was exactly that. He would sit in his dimly lit bedroom, his hair short enough that his exhausted, lined eyes would be on display, and he would stare at the wall. There were six of these videos and they lasted anywhere between three to forty minutes. These videos drew in fewer viewers, as you'd expect. I wanted to know why he made them, let alone uploaded them, but I didn't have it in me to ask. The only explanation I could offer would be that it was his method of winding down. For as long as he decided, all he had to focus on was that spot on the wall.

  He still is all I'm describing, by the way. I realise I've been talking about him in the past tense and probably alluded to something quite dark, but no. He's just much harder to track down these days. He hasn't been active on his Facebook account for at least eight months, and for a while, I thought he'd vanished. Not in the abracadabra! sense, but more that he'd made the conscious decision to disappear. In actuality, he probably got a life and took a step back from social media. Wonder what that's like...

  The last communication I, or any of our mutuals, had with Tym was when he sent me a sticker of a cactus on the 17th of October last year. It was my birthday so the cactus was of course adorned in a party hat, holding a balloon. That tiny communication allows me to take comfort in the fact that he's still just as thoughtful as he always has been, and more importantly that he's okay. But I believe he's taking time to focus on himself. He's still consistently uploading to his YouTube channel, too. It's nice to see him putting his energy into something he's really passionate about.

  Tym gives me hope in a way that I can't really describe. I know that's supposed to be my shtick. I'm supposed to have all the words, but I don't. All I know is that he's okay, and that's all that matters.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/05/2018

Immunity Can Falter

  Sooo, I had a bit of an episode last night. It isn't something that happens often, and I value how capable I usually am at dealing with certain things. I pride myself on being robust and uncaring, 'completely immune to criticism', as Mayank described me on Twitter. But sometimes it's easy for something to slip through on a Lo-Fi day where your head is pounding and everything is crushing you like the pressure within the great Atlantic. I am the Titanic, just far less cool with a much less tragic backstory, and the water is life.

  I don't enjoy describing things like this on here. I have other places to vent in which to do that for the purpose of this blog not being clogged up with martyrish, attention seeking content. I do not seek attention, I only seek to be heard and understood. It's hard to find that these days. I am writing on here currently so that I can go into a little more detail. It isn't for you, though, it's for me. I'm the one that needs an outlet and it's not on me who decides to read it.

  My life feels directionless and the more I try to ignore it, the fiercer the candle burns. I'm trying just about everything to get myself back on track, but so far, no luck. I'm spending so much of my time waiting, and this is the most frustrated I've felt in a while. But I've taken up old hobbies and started going on long walks again. Something I love to do is photograph people without them realising, (not like that, you perverts). When a person is unaware, they're acting completely natural. You can capture so much detail in a candid photograph that would otherwise be lost.

  Anyway... yeah, that's me for now. That's what's going on in my life. I'm sorry this isn't the usual jaunt-filled, witty content that you're used to - though that's probably pushing it. I needed this to be here. I hope you're having the best of days and that you're achieving everything you want, and hopefully, you can inspire me.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/05/2018

I forgot to put a title here

  I'm writing a post ahead of time for once. I used to do this, in the beginning, to make sure I definitely had something to post so my schedule didn't get all jazzed up. Clearly, I'm not very good at it anymore. Too much on, not enough to talk about. Buuuut... the Dark Souls remaster comes out in a week or two, and I'm pretty excited. I haven't played anything but Bloodborne since January, which I'm realising has become an issue.

  There's a bunch of games I still need to get; the Shadow of the Colossus remaster, for instance, A Way Out, The Last Guardian... and a couple others that have slipped my mind. A lot slips my mind these days. Like writing. I have an ending for my screenplay, have I opened the file yet? Have I hell.

  I have a convention in a couple weeks, and it's been almost a year since I've been to one. They come around so slowly and then they're gone in the blink of an eye. It's disconcerting, to say the least. If only moments like that could last forever. But yes, it's a two-day convention that I've been going to for about five years now. Seems a little crazy when I put it like that. I'm 22 this year... now that's insane.

  Good god, I feel old now. I'm going to go before I forget where I am and how to feed myself.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/05/2018

It's Okay

  Today I was going to post something like an insignificant update that I wrote about three or four days ago, just to put something out. But I decided it seemed disingenuous to me so I'd rather not do that. Instead, I just want to take a few moments to assure you of a few things.

  I'm well aware this is something people tell you all the time, but I think it's important.

  So calm down, take a few seconds to relax. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Nothing else matters right now except you. It's okay to feel like you're not good enough. It's okay to cry. It's okay to not be okay. I don't think any of us, collectively as a species, are inherently or intrinsically okay. Not really. Not for an amount of time that might mean something. But what we can take comfort and solace in is the times that maybe we can say, "actually, I am okay." Focus on that, those moments in the future where you can just let go. Because you're okay.

  It's okay to sleep, rest and to make time to work on yourself. Everything is under control. It's okay to look after yourself. In fact, self-care is something we so often forget but, it's okay. Go drink some water, go make your favourite food, order takeout, find a blanket and cuddle up on the sofa to watch your favourite show. Make time for you, because you are the most important person on this planet. You don't make enough time for yourself, so go do that.

  Have a pleasant day or night, and know that If you’re not okay right now, you will be.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/05/2018

  

I Love You

  Don't be fooled by the title of this post. If you think I'm going to be pandering to you and kissing your hands out of gratitude, then you're incorrect and silly for even thinking so. I've never really known how to be nice to people. Not in a way that suggests I don't understand social cues, I do. I have a vast knowledge of how I'm supposed to act. I just... don't, because why should I? Don't get me wrong, if you're kind to me, I will be courteous in reciprocation. That isn't what I mean.

  There are people in my life that I dislike for just... being. I won't say hate, even though you know I'm probably thinking it, because hate is an extremely powerful word. That tiny little verb can stick in a person's mind for years and force them to question every aspect of themselves, and as much as I'd probably find enjoyment in that, it is somewhat frowned upon. But there's this thing I do that I call 'kicking the lamp'. I've written about it before, very vaguely, and all it means is that sometimes I have moments where I find it impossible not to be cruel to somebody. I revel in hurting someone’s feelings.

  Maybe you said or did something I didn't like, or it could be that you didn't do anything at all. It doesn't take much for me to go off somebody, as is my curse and my cross to bear. I made peace with it a long time ago, though, and the simple truth is that I simply don't particularly enjoy socialising. I'm no good at it and I don't have the patience nor the time to practice. There is, however, a quote in one of my favourite movies, Nightcrawler, that goes, "what if my problem wasn't that I don't understand people, but that I don't like them?" I feel like it explains me a little better. I think about that a lot.

  The best part of this post is that everybody reading this that knows me personally will find it impossible not to question whether I hate them or not. Oh, joy!

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
11/05/2018

  

Just Wait

  Do you ever have moments that kind of just smack you in the face as you trip over them? Something completely mind-broadening to a point where it changes your perspective? I don’t have them often, but when I do it feels like such an inexplicable rush.

  I’ve been struggling for two years to come up with an ending to my screenplay. I’ve mentioned my issue in previous posts, in hopes that talking about the problem will fix it. It didn’t. As much as I tried, it never worked. Now I understand. I just had to wait. It was a long wait, it was annoying and something I could’ve done without but, it finally came to me.

  Finally, I have an ending.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/05/2018

Gardens and Fountains

  Despite the faux extravagance of the Sheffield Peace Gardens and the fake smiles of those inhabiting the vicinity, I had a good day yesterday. Usually, the hospitality of South Yorkshire goes horrifically awry in an attempt to force you into having a good time, but the sun was shining and everyone's spirits were high with swathes of ice cream, sausage rolls and other such forms of merriment.

  The weather felt somewhat reminiscent of the fountains spouting out of the ground - constantly rising and falling, changing just like the weather. One minute the heat was killing us and the next we were being comforted by the gentlest of breezes and dark skies, but it was nice.

  There was a man shouting very aggressively about his religion and how all sinners would go to HELL, surrounded by minions handing out bible verses and judgemental glares. I couldn't help but think he'd get his point across better if he'd been acting in a calmer fashion, but he didn't seem to be put off by the stares as his customers walked by. Nobody really minded and if they did, nobody brought it up. That's the great thing about Sheffield, you can do what you like as long as you're not in anybody's way. The moment you block a footpath, that's when you're about to have a problem.

  Anyway, I'm sorry this post is late. Lovely was over so we could enjoy yesterday together. See y'all on Tuesday.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/05/2018

Unthinkable Unease

  Being confident, or even being perceived as such, is completely unfathomable to me. For instance, I could never gather the courage to approach a person I might consider attractive and offer to buy them a coffee or a similar beverage of their choice. The concept of that action alone is foreign and completely absurd to me. If you told me you'd done that, I'd slap you on the shoulder and tell you how deranged and valiant you must be. Speaking to any stranger without being prompted first? Absolute mad lad.

  It sounds stupid but it's genuinely how a lot of people feel these days, and even despite that, people that aren't consumed by their own anxiety still don't get it. For instance, I have watched my dad strike up a conversation with every single person in a crowded pub. I sit alone at my table, firmly in the corner away from the looming company, and I watch him. He's smiling, they're smiling, the conversation is flowing. Yet I am plagued by awkward silences, searching for a topic to discuss and stuttering if I even consider attempting the same thing. It inevitably leads to me kicking myself for the remainder of the day and waking up that night in a cold sweat.

  'God, you're so stupid,' scoffs my brain, 'did you really have to stare at the floor the entire time? Now they think you were being ignorant, you idiot.' There are times when I wish that maybe I was a little braver, or less of a coward some would say, and then I remember how much I despise socialising anyway. But then I think... maybe I wouldn't dislike seeing people as much if I could interact without the ineptitude of Mark Zuckerberg in a room full of humans. I can't even look members of my family in the eye for the most part, and I really can't tell if it's a problem that I should fix at this point.

  In the end, I believe this is just who I am. Maybe with some work, I could fix some of my issues, perhaps all of them if I tried hard enough, but I think right now I plan on staying in my safety bubble away from the judgemental scowl of society. Beneath the warm, comfort blanket offering shade from the leering eyes and the sopping maw is me; a somewhat eccentric, strange little man that prides himself on his ability to speak to you like this rather than in person.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
01/05/2018

A Hateful Narrator

  Cillian was insufferable. He didn’t lead a particularly interesting life, quite the contrary in fact, he did nothing of impact at all. Yet somehow the people around him would visibly brighten when he walked into a room, like a switch had been flicked. It was Cillian, the young man with the frustratingly perfect features and that positivity inducing smile. It was sickening, it really was, the way he could make anybody fall at his feet with those happy eyes... and he didn’t even know he was doing it. He was the equivalent of a dozen puppies doused in icing sugar or a newborn baby in a room of fawning mothers, and just as oblivious to it all.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
29/04/2018

Distraction

  Taking a little time out to focus on this post right now. My weekdays are usually freed up to a point where I have nothing to do if I'm not at work draining myself both physically and emotionally. Yesterday was as intrinsically tiring as a lifting job can get, but also socially exhaustive. I don't know, sometimes there are just days when I don't want to speak to anybody at all. A lot of people feel this way, and that makes me wonder if happiness has depleted in us as a whole.

  I feel as though my creativity has been staunched so much this past couple of years that the only thing I can bring myself to do that I find rewarding anymore is play video games and write up pointless Tweets to make myself laugh. If I don't fake it then I don't think I'll make it. I used to love writing, and I still do, but with how much I'm struggling to even open a Word file lately it's becoming more and more difficult to focus on. I want to love what I write, but I can't. Nothing I make is original and I'm really having a hard time with it.

  My screenplay is the biggest thing I want to be finished, but I can't think of an ending. It's been almost two years, and I still cannot think of an outcome. I don't know what to do. Every time I think about it, I push the thought to the back of my mind so it isn't distracting me, but... it should be distracting me. I should be working on it, but if I do, what then? What the hell do I do if I ever finish it? I was so passionate about the original idea because it was something I related to and I wanted to bring attention to, and now I'm just embarrassed that it's become yet another thing I never finished.

  If anybody has any ideas at all on how to up their motivation then please let me know. I really need it lately.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
24/04/2018

Promises

  I missed Friday this week because lovely came over on Thursday and when that happens, all my responsibilities go out the window. But a positive is that we had a really nice weekend together doing nothing but relaxing, which I would say is a break we both really needed. They work long hours in a physically demanding job so coming to me is the break they need.

  Yes, this is boring, I realise, but again, I have no topic to speak of. The reason I write twice weekly is that I said I would. It's more keeping to a promise that I made to myself rather than to you readers, (no offense). If I post to this blog twice per week then I have something to drive me, even if the content isn't that interesting. If I'm proud of a post then I'll share the link, but if it's just filler like this then I usually just upload it and never speak of it again.

  If you can keep promises to other people then why wouldn't you keep them for yourself? That's just as important, if not more. Gotta have your values innit.

  Have a nice weekend, guys.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
21/04/2018

Self-Preservation

  I didn’t know what to write yesterday, and I still don’t. I wish I was capable of coming up with something witty and brilliant twice every week but sometimes staring at a blank page is exhausting. I’m writing this now and my eyes are stinging. I must be some kind of masochist... that or the fact that I’m a serial daytime-napper is preventing me sleeping at night time. I’ve never had much of a sleep schedule, I just sleep when I’m tired - one of my key issues that I’ve promised to work on time and time again... but never do. Finding the time to work on myself is hard, so I often end up spiralling... and that’s okay. When the spinning stops, I can take a moment to reflect. That’s always helpful.

  I don’t like writing about my problems in case it looks like I’m simply pandering. I’m not, I hate when people do the ‘oh woe is me’ thing. It’s impossible to know exactly the right way to respond to that, meaning most people don’t. But on the other hand I think it’s healthy that I’m writing this. I recognise that something is broken and needs to be worked on, it’s just a case of finding out exactly what that is. Maybe I’ll go to sleep now, try to rest up and hopefully write something decent on Friday.

  Thank you for being patient with me.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/04/2018

In My Head

  Lately it feels as though my subconscious is trying to taunt me - specifically my dreams. I used to be friends with somebody very special and we fell apart, (personal reasons), but now I'm dreaming about that person multiple times a week. It's either about reconnecting, or going over the last time we spoke which... wasn't great. but... then I wake up and remember that I'm no longer in contact with that person, and it sucks.

  I've seen them in real life since what happened, but I haven't had the courage to actually go over and try to sort things out. Anxiety is a stickler for something like that, and as many talking points there are in my head, things I'd like to say, my mouth would never allow them to come out coherently. And so... that's the only reason I haven't. I suppose it could be seen as cowardly, but it's difficult not knowing what would make them listen, or even if they want me to try to fix the situation at all.

  It's been two years and every day my hope dwindles a little further. The only thing that gets me by is knowing I still have wonderful people around me - but being aware of what's happened in the past makes me all the more terrified of losing people.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
14/04/2018

Kicking the Lamp

  It's difficult to know who to trust in my circles with the amount of past run-ins I've had. Sometimes it isn't even down to trust, but expecting too much from somebody you barely know can still lead to disappointment. Not in this case but... on occasion.

  Don't let people who don't know you from Adam or Steve tell you what or who you are. Don't open yourself up to that type of scrutiny. It's likely that they don't know shit and they're just projecting onto you because of how tremendously terrible their own life is. It's sad really when a person feels the need to bring others down just because they can, or because they're not being conscious enough of what they're saying to take any notice.

  Paraphrasing how Tyler Joseph once put it; I know if I see a lamp in the corner of a room, I'm supposed to walk out of the room without kicking the lamp. But maybe if I treated my physical surroundings the way I treat the people around me, I'd kick that lamp over.

  I used to think kicking the lamp was bad, given how often I do it. But you know what? Maybe it's best to kick a few lamps every now and then. It keeps the number of morons you allow into your life to a minimum, and that's always a good limitation to have. So go ahead, give a boot to your most disliked furniture, the cause of whatever hardships you're dealing with and dump them.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
10/04/2018

  

The Streetwise Fool

Do you ever feel like you're close enough to a person that you'd tell them things you wouldn't usually talk about, and then when those subjects do come up you feel an odd sense of regret?
Maybe I shouldn't have gone into such detail about that set of circumstances, no, in fact, keeping that to myself would've been a far better idea!
But I get to a certain point where I feel like I need to share things, pieces of me that are infallibly incriminating.
I physically cannot stop it, like... like I'm an addict.
Has that one misplaced judgement put me back a step?
Was I making any progress at all before that moment?
Sometimes I believe it's probably necessary to keep aspects of yourself hidden.
"Don't tell people what a shitty person you are, they'll hate you," but... I can't stop myself from doing it.
The rush I get, I know it's wrong but nothing gives me as palpable a feeling as that.
Maybe it's just me.
I'd give every part of me just for a reason to speak to somebody.
- Unknown

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
06/04/2018

Two Years

  I didn’t think I had anything to write about this evening and then realised how stupid I was considering a topic was staring at me right between the eyes. Me and my lovely just surpassed two years together, and I can honestly say it doesn’t feel remotely like that amount of time has passed. I remember the day I first met them so vividly, and the evening we got together too. We’ve made so many wonderful memories together, and now we get to make plenty more in the future.

  Lovely got us matching rings, (yes, it was as sappy as it sounds), and I love it. Now I have something on me at all times that represents them, and having that is really important to me. They’re kind of like promise rings, I guess? Regardless, I’m the luckiest old man on the planet. Knowing my partner wants to spend forever with me is... such a euphoric and comforting feeling.

  In other news I’m going to try and get something new done on Twine soon because it’s been far too long and I need to exercise my creative freedoms on there again. I’m also thinking of buying a new computer that can deal with running software like the Source engine. Kinda feel like I’m heading back towards my roots a little.

  Only a short little post tonight to keep you all updated. Have a great week, and thank you to everybody that sent us anniversary messages and well wishes.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/04/2018

The Feminist Agenda

  I usually keep my views on politics and feminism far, far away from this blog because I know conversations like the one I'm about to have with you are usually left unresolved. People often find it so excruciatingly difficult to have a civil discussion on these topics because they're so easily offended. Please, jump out of your safe spaces for a moment and listen.

  A small article titled 'Women need spaces that are man-free' written by Siobhan Norton was published on the 28th of March, 2018... yes, 2018, not the middle of the 1800's where you'd expect opinions like these to stay. I'd like to thank Tally for sending me a screencap and for being just as flummoxed by the hypocrisy as I was. In the piece, Siobhan talks about how a female-only club called The Wing is under scrutiny and investigation over not allowing men on the premises, let alone into their special little clubhouse. Then, of course, she goes on to say how outrageous this is seeing as clubs such as these used to exist only for men.

  As we are all well aware, feminists have supposedly been rallying in favour of equal rights for all genders for years now, but unfortunately, we have overshot the age of gender equality by a mile. Feminists have taken the original meaning of the cause and twisted it into their own slimy, sordid agenda. It's a shame that we reached a state of neutrality, a place where most were content, and then apparently decided that wasn't good enough. No, feminists jumped the equality fence and made a mad dash to the superiority gate, a sprint that is taking its toll on the young men of today.

  "If I knew that a male member of staff speculated on how I looked naked, I would cause the sort of fuss that would make Charlotte Proudman look meek. If I heard a female colleague doing the same thing about Andrew in accounts, I'd probably laugh and I might even join in," said Rebecca Reid in an article discussing whether it's okay to imagine the people at your workplace naked or not. (Why this article was even written in the first place is beyond me...) but yes, she said that. That's an actual sentence written by an actual human. When Milo Yiannopoulos read the above quote to a room full of young men and women during a debate against Reid, her response, once the audience eruption had died down, was, "you are completely right, and I believe the fact that I would say and think something like that is really problematic."

  When the word 'problematic' is thrown around so often, as it was by Reid in that debate - more of a throwdown seeing as Yiannopoulos completely rekt her - it is absolutely blatant that facts have gone out the window, only to be replaced by opinions and feelings. Neither of which matter in a discussion of right or wrong. Feminists can claim all they want that men don't understand the hardships that women go through. In some cases, they might be correct, but to make that generalisation alongside claiming they're against such stereotypes is out of line. Men and women face the same things, and it's been the same for many, many years. Statistics are different based on gender, but to push that men are never discriminated against is completely incorrect.

  Men are accused of mansplaining, of having male privilege simply because they're born male, of oppressing women in scenarios like the wage gap or sexist air conditioning, or even promoting 'rape culture' on college campuses, (all ridiculous and false), as well as stealing jobs that women are just as suited for when in reality these are all things created by the feminist mind in order to push an agenda that is no longer necessary. Believing the lies of the feminist agenda is only perpetuating that state of mind, and THAT is where the true toxicity lies.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
30/03/2018

Brain Stew: External Scene WIP

EXT. CIVILIAN POPULATED STREET

Running. Heaving. Sweating. Three things Doug never finds enjoyable, let alone in the morning. Yet here he is doing all three as he’s chased down the street by a mob of angry women, and their respective boyfriends, he’s somehow managed to offend in the space of five minutes.

There’s no time to look behind him. He stares ahead in hopes that if he wills it hard enough they’ll disappear. 

On rounding the corner into the safety of the school grounds, Doug collides with something, no, someone. With all the collisions he’s had already it’s difficult to judge what it is he’s bumping into.

MOLLY

Oh my god, are you okay?

Doug groans - an involuntary sound not even his anxiety can suppress.

MOLLY

I didn’t hurt you did I? I’m so sorry, I was just in a rush and I really can’t be late again, are you alright?

The small science teacher feels the woman with the soft voice helping him sit up. He shakes his head and his eyelids flutter, then he sees her. The woman that managed to distract him during yesterday’s first lesson.

Their eyes clash, the sheer shock of her winsome blue gaze rendering him breathless. Wonderful, more heaving and gasping.

DOUG (V.O.)

Yeah, Doug, breathe in her face. That’s really sexy. She’ll love that.

Molly is still staring at Doug expectantly. He needs to give her an answer.

DOUG (V.O. CONT’D)

Say something. Say anything. Words. English.

MOLLY

Are… you alright?

Doug swallows hard. His already shifty eyes flick around, and then he slaps his own face. Molly jumps, her expression perplexed.

DOUG (V.O. CONT’D)

You’re an idiot.

MOLLY

What on earth are you doing? Why did you do that?

DOUG

…It saves you from doing it.

His words are quick and stunted, sounding like he’s been holding his breath for the ordeal. Molly tilts her head and smiles at Doug; he’s different - she likes that. Taking note of the aggressive looking party of men and women on the other side of the fence, Molly helps Doug to his feet.

MOLLY

Tough morning?

DOUG

Same as every other.

MOLLY

Dare I ask what you did in order to gain a fan club that size?

DOUG

I walked into the first guy, bumped into the second, then got shouldered by the third and… accidentally groped the woman I assume is his girlfriend. I ignored the blonde girl when she smiled at me, then tripped over my leg and almost garrotted that brunette.

Doug points and gestures in the direction of each individual, not managing to be as discrete as he might’ve liked.

MOLLY

Oh… is that all?

DOUG

No. I sneezed on that woman’s kid and apparently angered the father.

  Oh, hello. You found your way down here, did you? What you just read was a small excerpt from the screenplay I've left on hold for about a year. As you can clearly tell, it's still very much a work in progress, but I'd like to finish it someday. It means a lot to me considering I struggle with a lot of the same issues that the wonderful but socially decrepit Doug does, so I hope you liked this little window into my head.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
27/03/2018