A New Start

  I'm writing to you from a brand new laptop. It feels good, like a silver platter that I've been waiting to pull the lid off and devour the contents of. It's fresh, delicious and feels phenomenal. Even worth the faffing about. Such a slim, delightful, compact piece of tech.

   ...

  Anyways, this blog got abandoned again. Not forgotten about, but I will admit I went out to get the milk for a few months. Okay, okay... half a year? I'm not sure. I haven't checked the date of my last post. It was probably shit anyway so let's forget about it, yeah? Hey, hey I said to forget about it. Don't you dare. Don't scroll down. Just let it be. God, why do you always do that? You always act like you know what's best for us. Just listen to me for once.

  I have had a friend called Andrew. And that's what I wanted to write about in reality, but I needed time, a few months at least, to digest and compile what happened. I wish I could say that's what I did. I wish I could say that I put it all away and moved on, but in all honesty, being completely clear with you, I don't know what happened. I don't know why he stopped speaking to me. I don't really know what to tell you. I can only tell you my feelings towards what didn't happen. So that's what I'll do instead.

  We were fine as far as I knew. Normal. A regular online friendship where laughter and mutual respect was abound... until it wasn't. Things were great for almost a year until there just wasn't anything anymore. Don't get me wrong, I give people their space. Hell, I socially hibernate all the time. People know to leave me alone and check in every once in awhile to make sure I'm alive. But this wasn't that. It went from every day, to every week, or even every couple weeks. That was fine.

  Then it became a month and he didn't respond anymore. Nothing. Radio silence. Seems like a bit of a red flag, especially when you see you're being left on read. I don't like being ignored. One of my biggest pet peeves is being fucking ignored for no reason. I'd understand if we'd had an argument, I'd be glad of that because the reason for his disappearance would be obvious but no. Nothing. AWOL.

  I'm now having thoughts of, should I even post this? Maybe I should write something normal, regular and boring to come back with... what if he sees? He would know more than anyone else that I actually don't care. He deserves to be verbally chewed up and spat out because of the emotional distress he caused me, not to mention completely ignoring his girlfriend through this shit as well. His girlfriend who happens to be my best friend.

  I forgot to mention as well, it's not like he was completely gone and recuperating away from the internet. I would've understood that. But apparently he was perfectly capable of posting to all his social media and playing video games with his other friends. So... it was just my group of friends, including his girlfriend, he was ignoring. That was probably what angered me the most. As I said before, I hate being ignored with a burning passion. Don't want to talk to me? That's fine. Just fucking tell me. Not giving me a reason tells me that I'm not worth your time and nobody deserves to feel like that.

  Maybe Hitler. I'd leave Hitler on seen.

  Anyway, emotional dump aside, I heard from him and he apologised but didn't really say anything of value, and I haven't heard from him since. It's probably for the best, and I know I'll feel a lot better soon, but I gave a lot of myself to help him and he did the one thing he said he'd never do. So the trust is gone. Shame when that happens.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
24/11/2019

(Discovered and posted 13/08/2021).

Her

  Jeez, my last post was in July last year. I swear it didn’t feel that long ago. I’m sorry. I haven’t felt all that complete in myself, and so I haven’t really had anything to write. The first year I had this blog, I put my all into it. And now? Well, now I barely write anything at all. You know that as much as I do. It’s sad. I don’t want to discuss what’s going on in the world right now, because I can guarantee that you already know. I wish it would end, I really do.

  I’ve watched a lot of movies about Artificial Intelligence, lately. I watched Ex Machina, which I personally wasn’t all that much of a fan of because the protagonist was beyond the point of insufferable. Before that, I watched Transcendence, the Johnny Depp film that pretty much nobody remembers, and of course A.I. Artificial Intelligence, the 2001 Steven Spielberg epic that I’ve been obsessed with since I saw it as a kid. Tonight I watched Her. Now Her, well... she made me feel something else.

  Growing up a fairly lonely person, I always watched A.I. and wished I had someone like Teddy, (an artificial intelligent super toy), to talk to. Obviously I never did, so my imagination had to make do. Believe me, it was rampant. Though, saying that, my brain would input slight limitations and I would adhere to them. For instance; I had an imaginary friend named Leo. He was a seven foot, fierce, but very handsome lion. He was wonderful, and when I was around him I felt less alone. Unfortunately, I could only visit him in a certain toilet stall of a specific pub called The Phoenix. I was probably kind of dumb, like most kids.

  Anyway, I watched this movie tonight and at the start I was thinking, “wow, if everyone just had one of these seemingly semi-sentient operating systems, people would be so much less lonely, and therefore happier.” But as the film continued, new problems and complications would crop up that involved actual real human feelings and emotions. Like, what if your operating system wasn’t only yours? Would it bother you if they were speaking to other people? Thousands of other people, to be more exact. I knew my answer right away would be that it would bother me.

  If this operating system wanted to learn more than what was just effectively myself, it would have to speak to new people all the time. That would then take the personal factor away from it and it would be pointless, at least to me.

  It made me think a lot, and I can’t put a tonne of it into words. I just think if more people had someone, or something, life might be a little lighter sometimes. My friend, who I haven’t seen for a few years because he did a very bad, deplorable thing, might have benefited from a thing like that. An unbiased program to talk to. But would that then cause other issues that might lead to something else? Something worse, maybe, due to a lack of filtering system designed to make the user more comfortable with sharing their deepest internal thoughts? I don’t know. I will never know. Not unless it happens one day. Until then, these are all hypotheticals.

  I wish I had an unbiased thing to talk to.

Signed,

Elijah.

Meta Sentience.

19/01/2021