Sooo, I had a bit of an episode last night. It isn't something that happens often, and I value how capable I usually am at dealing with certain things. I pride myself on being robust and uncaring, 'completely immune to criticism', as Mayank described me on Twitter. But sometimes it's easy for something to slip through on a Lo-Fi day where your head is pounding and everything is crushing you like the pressure within the great Atlantic. I am the Titanic, just far less cool with a much less tragic backstory, and the water is life.
I don't enjoy describing things like this on here. I have other places to vent in which to do that for the purpose of this blog not being clogged up with martyrish, attention seeking content. I do not seek attention, I only seek to be heard and understood. It's hard to find that these days. I am writing on here currently so that I can go into a little more detail. It isn't for you, though, it's for me. I'm the one that needs an outlet and it's not on me who decides to read it.
My life feels directionless and the more I try to ignore it, the fiercer the candle burns. I'm trying just about everything to get myself back on track, but so far, no luck. I'm spending so much of my time waiting, and this is the most frustrated I've felt in a while. But I've taken up old hobbies and started going on long walks again. Something I love to do is photograph people without them realising, (not like that, you perverts). When a person is unaware, they're acting completely natural. You can capture so much detail in a candid photograph that would otherwise be lost.
Anyway... yeah, that's me for now. That's what's going on in my life. I'm sorry this isn't the usual jaunt-filled, witty content that you're used to - though that's probably pushing it. I needed this to be here. I hope you're having the best of days and that you're achieving everything you want, and hopefully, you can inspire me.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/05/2018
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