I know my last post was a little out of the park, and I'm writing this super late because I completely forgot it was Friday, but I think my writer's block is finally subsiding. I took it upon myself to write a bunch of short stories and encourage my creativity to return from it's unsolicited holiday. I like to think listening to new music helped too, and watching Dear Evan Hansen online... completely legally.
What I'm writing deals with some similar issues faced in DEH, and I love a good musical soundtrack to get the imagination cogs oiled and turning again.
Weird side note; I'm doing my best to think of a song that's stuck in my head, but I only know one line? I'm so frustrated right now. Oh my god.
It's always a fantastic feeling when you've been in a slump for a long-ass time, and then everything just comes back like blood flowing back into your veins after a dead leg. I'm aware I have the skills and the creativity to write, but sometimes my mind doesn't want to cooperate. As well as that, I know that every 'artist' goes through some kind of switch off point, but there's so much importance in find a way to switch yourself back on.
Still can't think of the bloody song. Getting annoyed now.
Anyways, this has been me. I remain - until next time.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
29/09/2017
Friday 29 September 2017
Tuesday 26 September 2017
A Poem
Pull String
Why is it the bathroom light always takes so long to ignite but can be doused in an instant?
Luminosity completely smothered and quashed, utterly beautiful reflections stamped out with the pull of a string.
This of course is some blown out metaphor for being, I suppose.
Even as the light splutters to life as if it were a seizure inducing ambulance siren, there is purpose without sentience.
We are sentient and often lack the drive and motivation to seek the purpose that keeps us going.
Much like the bulbs in your bathrooms, are you willing to wait until your spark wanes and dies?
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/09/2017
Friday 22 September 2017
YCC: End Of Summer Ball
The Yorkshire Cosplay Con: End of Summer Ball was lovely while it lasted. Pulling up outside the Royal Victoria hotel and seeing everyone dressed up to the nines was lovely. Brian and I attended as Sam and Nathan Drake from Uncharted 4: A Thief's End, suited up for an auction heist. I got to meet up with one of my best online friends who cosplays Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth.
Spending the afternoon with my two companions was genuinely one of the nicest times I've had at con. Since I rarely see Jareth, I plan on stealing as much of his attention as I can while he's around. The time is full of hugs and dad jokes, the latter pulling an eye-roll from Brian every single time.
The highlight was probably some young dude in a suit singing You Raise Me Up while everybody joined in, and watching characters from every franchise dancing to Gangnam Style. The thing about con is it brings everybody together - I found myself speaking to people I'd never met before, and with that I gained so many more acquaintances. I have selfies on my phone with people I don't even know the names of.
Imagine; completely sober but checking your phone the morning after and discovering a slew of selfies, phone numbers and usernames that you can't put names or faces to and feeling like the whore of the convention community. It's a good time, I implore you all to find your closest local convention and go there. Socialise, make friends, trade... bodily fluids and- never mind.
Another successful convention to tick off the list. Hope everybody has a good weekend. Night all.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/09/2017
Spending the afternoon with my two companions was genuinely one of the nicest times I've had at con. Since I rarely see Jareth, I plan on stealing as much of his attention as I can while he's around. The time is full of hugs and dad jokes, the latter pulling an eye-roll from Brian every single time.
The highlight was probably some young dude in a suit singing You Raise Me Up while everybody joined in, and watching characters from every franchise dancing to Gangnam Style. The thing about con is it brings everybody together - I found myself speaking to people I'd never met before, and with that I gained so many more acquaintances. I have selfies on my phone with people I don't even know the names of.
Imagine; completely sober but checking your phone the morning after and discovering a slew of selfies, phone numbers and usernames that you can't put names or faces to and feeling like the whore of the convention community. It's a good time, I implore you all to find your closest local convention and go there. Socialise, make friends, trade... bodily fluids and- never mind.
Another successful convention to tick off the list. Hope everybody has a good weekend. Night all.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/09/2017
Tuesday 19 September 2017
The Brightest Light
Yesterday the official music video for Linkin Park's One More Light was dropped on their YouTube channel, and I don't think anybody was prepared. As you would probably expect, the video is four and a half minutes of raw emotion. I know Chester used to sing it for Chris Cornell after his passing, but now I struggle to associate it with anybody but Chester.
It's been a few months since his passing, and I know myself and so many others still think about and miss Chester every single day. Such a bright smile hiding so much pain behind a soul that did nothing but shine. It's hard to believe that he's still gone, that we haven't woken up from this yet, but I'm so glad we all have the resources to remember him when he was truly at his finest.
I implore you to go check out the video if you want to see a man being bathed in well deserved love and affection - and, y'know, if you want to cry... a lot. It's a perfect mish-mash of a live performance of the song, and of so many happy moments Chester got to experience. Moments that will live on through us because we get to experience them alongside him.
I'm sorry this Tuesday's post isn't longer, but I don't want to outstay my welcome on this particular topic. I'll leave a link for you to check out the video. Until next time, guys.
One More Light (Official Video) - Linkin Park
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/09/2017
It's been a few months since his passing, and I know myself and so many others still think about and miss Chester every single day. Such a bright smile hiding so much pain behind a soul that did nothing but shine. It's hard to believe that he's still gone, that we haven't woken up from this yet, but I'm so glad we all have the resources to remember him when he was truly at his finest.
I implore you to go check out the video if you want to see a man being bathed in well deserved love and affection - and, y'know, if you want to cry... a lot. It's a perfect mish-mash of a live performance of the song, and of so many happy moments Chester got to experience. Moments that will live on through us because we get to experience them alongside him.
I'm sorry this Tuesday's post isn't longer, but I don't want to outstay my welcome on this particular topic. I'll leave a link for you to check out the video. Until next time, guys.
One More Light (Official Video) - Linkin Park
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/09/2017
Friday 15 September 2017
Two Rules of Business
"You're a nasty piece of work, you are."
"Sorry mate, just the way I am."
"But you don't have to be."
Confused yet? Yeah, me too. It seems an OAP volunteering at the same warehouse I work at decided to get in my face all day, make comments and then call me a 'nasty piece of work' because he basically didn't understand humour and jokes I share with my colleagues and friends. Like shit, don't judge somebody on what they say to their friends.
It doesn't bother me. Hell, I've spent too long caring what people think. Do not judge me on my work, the way I speak or my persona if you haven't even known me a week. We've spent less than twenty four hours working together. Maybe you think I'm supposed to be hugs, smiles and glitter but the brutal truth is I'm not the perfect individual you envisioned.
I have flaws and I have issues, but don't you dare try to project an image of what you want me to be, or what you think I should be onto me. You don't know me. I've spent two years working alongside the people I was joking around with, and they are well aware that I would never say a single word against them and really mean it.
I am me. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not sorry that I'm not who or what you want me to be. Perhaps you should be focusing more on yourself and what you need to fix. Do not make your issues mine. If you're unhappy with the way in which I choose to conduct my life, well sweetie, that's your problem.
You might be wondering why the title is what it is. What are the two rules of business? Mind your own, and stay the hell out of mine.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
15/09/2017
"Sorry mate, just the way I am."
"But you don't have to be."
Confused yet? Yeah, me too. It seems an OAP volunteering at the same warehouse I work at decided to get in my face all day, make comments and then call me a 'nasty piece of work' because he basically didn't understand humour and jokes I share with my colleagues and friends. Like shit, don't judge somebody on what they say to their friends.
It doesn't bother me. Hell, I've spent too long caring what people think. Do not judge me on my work, the way I speak or my persona if you haven't even known me a week. We've spent less than twenty four hours working together. Maybe you think I'm supposed to be hugs, smiles and glitter but the brutal truth is I'm not the perfect individual you envisioned.
I have flaws and I have issues, but don't you dare try to project an image of what you want me to be, or what you think I should be onto me. You don't know me. I've spent two years working alongside the people I was joking around with, and they are well aware that I would never say a single word against them and really mean it.
I am me. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not sorry that I'm not who or what you want me to be. Perhaps you should be focusing more on yourself and what you need to fix. Do not make your issues mine. If you're unhappy with the way in which I choose to conduct my life, well sweetie, that's your problem.
You might be wondering why the title is what it is. What are the two rules of business? Mind your own, and stay the hell out of mine.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
15/09/2017
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Elder Lols: Fun With Skyrim
I've been having quite a bit of fun on Skyrim since last week. Me and my lovely went on a journey to the local shopping centre and I picked up the special edition as prompted by a mate. It was either that or Dark Souls III. DS was actually two quid cheaper but I've heard better things about Skyrim, and I must say I'm impressed.
The game originally came out when I was still in college, and I remember students and lecturers alike all taking days off to play on release. The same happened with GTA V and The Witcher 3, but I expect nothing less from a gaming course, honestly. Bunch'a nerds.
So what have I done so far since Saturday? Not a whole lot, really. I got to Riverwood, ransacked Gerdur's house, got lost somewhere in the mountains, threw myself off a cliff singing, "AHHHHHHH SVENYAAAAA!" because I wanted to test how far I could fall until I died, and completed the Golden Claw quest. I reckon I'm going to join the Stormcloaks because fuck the Imperials. Imperials? In a game? Never a good sign.
I also delivered a letter from Faendal to Camilla and told her it was from Sven. So now Camilla doesn't ever want to speak to Sven again. He was the one that started the whole mess of a situation though, I mean, he wanted me to take a letter to Camilla and say it was from Faendal, and I couldn't do that. I just couldn't! Faendal did nothing wrong! I know Sven played me a song when I was relaxing at the inn but I simply dislike the way he throws his weight around. If anything I feel bad for Camilla. The lady spends her days sweeping Lucan's shop and can't even get a break in her romantic life.
Not entirely sure how to go about making potions yet, but I've spent a bit of time cooking and getting a few levels up. I'm using Faendal to up my archery level, too, but because he's a follower now, I can just access his inventory, take the money I gave him and use it again for more archery training. Seems a bit backwards honestly, but it's amusing to say the least. I'm just really looking forward to getting in some decent playtime and seeing how I progress. I'm loving it so far.
See you guys on Friday, might have a few more updates for then.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/09/2017
The game originally came out when I was still in college, and I remember students and lecturers alike all taking days off to play on release. The same happened with GTA V and The Witcher 3, but I expect nothing less from a gaming course, honestly. Bunch'a nerds.
So what have I done so far since Saturday? Not a whole lot, really. I got to Riverwood, ransacked Gerdur's house, got lost somewhere in the mountains, threw myself off a cliff singing, "AHHHHHHH SVENYAAAAA!" because I wanted to test how far I could fall until I died, and completed the Golden Claw quest. I reckon I'm going to join the Stormcloaks because fuck the Imperials. Imperials? In a game? Never a good sign.
I also delivered a letter from Faendal to Camilla and told her it was from Sven. So now Camilla doesn't ever want to speak to Sven again. He was the one that started the whole mess of a situation though, I mean, he wanted me to take a letter to Camilla and say it was from Faendal, and I couldn't do that. I just couldn't! Faendal did nothing wrong! I know Sven played me a song when I was relaxing at the inn but I simply dislike the way he throws his weight around. If anything I feel bad for Camilla. The lady spends her days sweeping Lucan's shop and can't even get a break in her romantic life.
Not entirely sure how to go about making potions yet, but I've spent a bit of time cooking and getting a few levels up. I'm using Faendal to up my archery level, too, but because he's a follower now, I can just access his inventory, take the money I gave him and use it again for more archery training. Seems a bit backwards honestly, but it's amusing to say the least. I'm just really looking forward to getting in some decent playtime and seeing how I progress. I'm loving it so far.
See you guys on Friday, might have a few more updates for then.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/09/2017
Saturday 9 September 2017
Romance Is... Alive?
So for the first time in ages last night, I actually slept really well. My memory foam mattress causes me so much back ache and rib pain that it wakes me up, and I spend most of the time rolling around. Hence disturbed and restless sleep. Granted I still spent a bit of time rolling around, but I dropped right off again and woke up at 11:45am. My right ear was blocked up but, hey... can't have everything.
I always seem to sleep really well when my lovely is beside me. We always fall asleep holding hands and it's nice to feel comforted and not alone for once. Bugs me when people say that romance is dead. Is it? For our one year anniversary, I molded and painted a heart I made out of clay and covered it in blood, then presented it in a cloche jar alongside a preserved, dead rose. It's up to us to make our own romance. Even the meaning of the word is subjective.
Something as small as sending a link for a song that reminds you of them, or as large as some grand gesture, it's all romantic in itself. Depends on the person. Anyway, I'm sorry this post is late going up. I don't get to see lovely that often as of late so I decided to spend as much time with them as possible rather than writing up a post. My apologies.
Off to a free convention with Brian tomorrow. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll let you all know my findings upon my return.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
09/09/2017
I always seem to sleep really well when my lovely is beside me. We always fall asleep holding hands and it's nice to feel comforted and not alone for once. Bugs me when people say that romance is dead. Is it? For our one year anniversary, I molded and painted a heart I made out of clay and covered it in blood, then presented it in a cloche jar alongside a preserved, dead rose. It's up to us to make our own romance. Even the meaning of the word is subjective.
Something as small as sending a link for a song that reminds you of them, or as large as some grand gesture, it's all romantic in itself. Depends on the person. Anyway, I'm sorry this post is late going up. I don't get to see lovely that often as of late so I decided to spend as much time with them as possible rather than writing up a post. My apologies.
Off to a free convention with Brian tomorrow. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll let you all know my findings upon my return.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
09/09/2017
Tuesday 5 September 2017
Uncharted Territory
On the 17th of September, me and Brian are attending a small convention in our hometown. The Yorkshire Cosplay Con End of Summer Ball will be held at the Holiday Inn in Sheffield, with attendees dressed up to the nines in suave attire for the evening. My companion and I will be cosplaying Nathan and Sam Drake of the Uncharted franchise. Specifically, seeing as the event is fancy, auction Sam and Nathan from Uncharted 4.
I'm really fond of events like these as the atmosphere feels so much more intimate than every city's Comic Con. It's actually possible to socialize, (if you're not riddled with anxiety), and make some friends. It'll be the first time wearing Sam Drake out for me, and I'm extremely excited about this one. Sam means so much to me and I just want to do him justice.
Any cosplay pairing that I can do with Brian is always a fun one, and you can thank him for the punny title. Short post tonight as I completely forgot what day it was and honestly have no real topic. I've spent my day practicing Stressed Out on the ukulele, playing inFamous: Second Son for the third time, and grinding on Final Fantasy XII... how about you? Nice day? ... really?! Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. :(((( Is there anything I can do for you? No, no, i..it's fine, I'll go. I don't want to make you feel any worse.
(By the by, random promo for a blog I adore, Galactic Café run by game developer Davey Wreden. Creator of The Stanley Parable, he wrote one of my favourite games to date; The Beginner's Guide. If you haven't played or watched it, I highhly suggest it if you fancy a late night existential crisis. Night guys).
EDIT: The blog has disappeared and I'm so sad. Gonna go cry now.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/09/2017
I'm really fond of events like these as the atmosphere feels so much more intimate than every city's Comic Con. It's actually possible to socialize, (if you're not riddled with anxiety), and make some friends. It'll be the first time wearing Sam Drake out for me, and I'm extremely excited about this one. Sam means so much to me and I just want to do him justice.
Any cosplay pairing that I can do with Brian is always a fun one, and you can thank him for the punny title. Short post tonight as I completely forgot what day it was and honestly have no real topic. I've spent my day practicing Stressed Out on the ukulele, playing inFamous: Second Son for the third time, and grinding on Final Fantasy XII... how about you? Nice day? ... really?! Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. :(((( Is there anything I can do for you? No, no, i..it's fine, I'll go. I don't want to make you feel any worse.
(By the by, random promo for a blog I adore, Galactic Café run by game developer Davey Wreden. Creator of The Stanley Parable, he wrote one of my favourite games to date; The Beginner's Guide. If you haven't played or watched it, I highhly suggest it if you fancy a late night existential crisis. Night guys).
EDIT: The blog has disappeared and I'm so sad. Gonna go cry now.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/09/2017
Friday 1 September 2017
Burnt Out
Getting back in touch with ex's is always weird. Like there's that, 'hi there, I've seen you naked and this is weird', but if you're on good terms it can also be, 'remember that chicken shop we discovered together? We're bonded for life, man'. Whether that's good or bad, it happened.
I'm currently watching my partner live stream on Instagram and writing this blog post. Occasionally I'll add small insights among their mumbly singing, (usually stupid jokes to get a smile out of them), but usually I just sit here and watch. There's something about watching their overexposed face, ghost-like in front of a black curtain while doing their abrasive makeup, that fills me with a warm feeling. In the pit of my ribcage, not like running down my leg or anything. Days of incontinence are far ahead of me, here's hoping.
I tend to do this, you see. When I'm not talking about a specific topic, this is what you get. Awkward, nonsensical idiocies that nobody really wants to read. I suppose I get to look back and say, 'oh, that's what you were thinking that night, Meta... what the hell is wrong with you?" Many things, I can assure you.
I want to code more text games but right now I'm putting all my creative energy into the thing that I'm writing. Novel seems like a very adult word that I'm not ready to use yet, but I hope I get to that point soon. I'm trying my best not to creatively burn myself out, but right now my days consist of writing blog posts, occasional short stories to exercise my style and vocabulary, and then the... the thing.
It looks a bit weird that I started off this post by mentioning my ex. I think I was going to talk more about it as a topic but now I honestly can't remember. I deviated too much, now I'm not even sure how to end this. What did I cover? Babe, creative energy, burning out, cool okay. I think I'll leave it at that. This already makes zero sense as it is.
Goodnight everybody.
(I just read over this before publishing and... yeesh).
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
01/09/2017
I'm currently watching my partner live stream on Instagram and writing this blog post. Occasionally I'll add small insights among their mumbly singing, (usually stupid jokes to get a smile out of them), but usually I just sit here and watch. There's something about watching their overexposed face, ghost-like in front of a black curtain while doing their abrasive makeup, that fills me with a warm feeling. In the pit of my ribcage, not like running down my leg or anything. Days of incontinence are far ahead of me, here's hoping.
I tend to do this, you see. When I'm not talking about a specific topic, this is what you get. Awkward, nonsensical idiocies that nobody really wants to read. I suppose I get to look back and say, 'oh, that's what you were thinking that night, Meta... what the hell is wrong with you?" Many things, I can assure you.
I want to code more text games but right now I'm putting all my creative energy into the thing that I'm writing. Novel seems like a very adult word that I'm not ready to use yet, but I hope I get to that point soon. I'm trying my best not to creatively burn myself out, but right now my days consist of writing blog posts, occasional short stories to exercise my style and vocabulary, and then the... the thing.
It looks a bit weird that I started off this post by mentioning my ex. I think I was going to talk more about it as a topic but now I honestly can't remember. I deviated too much, now I'm not even sure how to end this. What did I cover? Babe, creative energy, burning out, cool okay. I think I'll leave it at that. This already makes zero sense as it is.
Goodnight everybody.
(I just read over this before publishing and... yeesh).
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
01/09/2017
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