Summer

  "It's your choice."

  I don't think I've ever been more afraid of that phrase in my life. Three little words and I was terrified.

  After having not been a pet owner for a number of years now, I figured that maybe I'd forgotten how it felt to lose them. But the moment it happens again, it all comes rushing back. Like a deluge of rain that you can't hear the world over. That's how it felt when Summer passed. The feeling of helplessness was indescribable, and it's enough to drive anybody insane.

  Around two weeks ago, my partner noticed a small scratch on the inside of our albino rat's ear. We thought nothing of it until I came home a few days later and noticed a small stream of blood coming from the area we'd previously seen the scratch. This was, of course, concerning so sought out an exotic veterinarian close by.

  We waited to see if she would wash the blood off herself since she was always preening, and for the most part, she did. Unfortunately, she was clearly irritated and continued to scratch at the small wound until she really opened it up. There was blood everywhere. Her tank was like the set of a horror movie and I genuinely wasn't certain whether she would last the night until we could get her to the vet the next morning. She did, and when the consultation was over, we left with anti-inflammatory medication and high hopes.

  The next few days went by quickly, and things were looking positive. The medication made her drowsy and eased her pain enough that she could clean the wound without more injury, just like the vet wanted. She had basically completely healed after only a few days. We were so relieved.

  Unfortunately, our relief was short lived. She continued to scratch despite still being medicated, and the wound opened back up again. Another vet visit dictated that she had an infection and there was no way of knowing how bad the internal damage was without putting her under anaesthetic.

  On Wednesday the 28th of November, at 12:37pm, the vet rang me and asked for permission to put Summer to sleep. It was the hardest phone call of my life, and the worst decision I ever had to make. But there was no other choice. I couldn't be selfish and let her suffer under the extreme pain and stresses that multiple surgical procedures would have put her under.

  There is probably more I could add to this post, but this is all I can manage right now. I don't have the energy nor the mental stability for anything else. It's been a few weeks and we're all still hurt from the empty space.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
18/12/2018