Distraction

  Taking a little time out to focus on this post right now. My weekdays are usually freed up to a point where I have nothing to do if I'm not at work draining myself both physically and emotionally. Yesterday was as intrinsically tiring as a lifting job can get, but also socially exhaustive. I don't know, sometimes there are just days when I don't want to speak to anybody at all. A lot of people feel this way, and that makes me wonder if happiness has depleted in us as a whole.

  I feel as though my creativity has been staunched so much this past couple of years that the only thing I can bring myself to do that I find rewarding anymore is play video games and write up pointless Tweets to make myself laugh. If I don't fake it then I don't think I'll make it. I used to love writing, and I still do, but with how much I'm struggling to even open a Word file lately it's becoming more and more difficult to focus on. I want to love what I write, but I can't. Nothing I make is original and I'm really having a hard time with it.

  My screenplay is the biggest thing I want to be finished, but I can't think of an ending. It's been almost two years, and I still cannot think of an outcome. I don't know what to do. Every time I think about it, I push the thought to the back of my mind so it isn't distracting me, but... it should be distracting me. I should be working on it, but if I do, what then? What the hell do I do if I ever finish it? I was so passionate about the original idea because it was something I related to and I wanted to bring attention to, and now I'm just embarrassed that it's become yet another thing I never finished.

  If anybody has any ideas at all on how to up their motivation then please let me know. I really need it lately.

Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
24/04/2018