I don't know whether I can say I've gotten back into writing, but I did manage to write another page on my... thing. I'm on the fifth chapter, technically, but still working on the fourth at the same time. I love it, I really do. I'm so invested in my characters and each backstory that they come with. I'm not entirely certain as to why I have these long bouts of writing nothing, but it's nice when it finally comes back after a long break.
As soon as I can think of a somewhat brilliant ending to my screenplay I'm going to get on with that too. For some reason I really connected with the format, which makes me want to write some short stuff just to get the hang of it a little more. There's something really rewarding about it, and there's no way of placing what that feeling is.
Writing this blog gives me a similar feeling, but only when I find the correct topic. Oftentimes posts become filler, and honestly a waste of time - both mine and yours. But I said I would upload twice a week to this place and I haven't given up yet, even when my brain has been completely frazzled. Like now for instance.
I won't see you for the new year, so, make sure you have a safe and happy start to your 2018. Make those resolutions last, yeah?
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
30/12/2017
Saturday 30 December 2017
Tuesday 26 December 2017
This Post Will Sleigh You (It Won't)
So... Christmas happened!
I sincerely hope everybody had a great Christmas and that you all enjoy the rest of the holidays. It's personally not my thing, for the same reasons that I made in my post about Birthdays, (all the fuss, etc), but it warms my cold heart to see everybody having a nice time with their families. Well, up until a certain point, then I get sick of seeing everybody in festive jumpers dancing to Mariah Carey and Wizzard and inevitably become more of a recluse until the year is over.
I mean come on, surely there's only so much everybody can take. All the build up for one fucking day of the year, all the money everybody spends and the bloody mess on Christmas morning... ehh.
I know, I know, once again I'm a miserable old man crying into my baubles and tinsel because I'm so tired of seeing 'Santa this way!' signs at every establishment I go to - disclaimer: Santa was most certainly not that way and I'm following up a potential lawsuit with the elves that led me to believe otherwise. Not a single helper will be spared, nor the reindeer, and definitely not Mrs Claus who appears to be an accomplice to her husband's tasteless lies.
Alas, that's it for tonight. My anecdotes and silly comments only go so far before I'm required to snap back to reality, (oops there goes gravity). Have a fantastic rest of the holiday season, everyone. I'll keep you updated on the lawsuit.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/12/2017
I sincerely hope everybody had a great Christmas and that you all enjoy the rest of the holidays. It's personally not my thing, for the same reasons that I made in my post about Birthdays, (all the fuss, etc), but it warms my cold heart to see everybody having a nice time with their families. Well, up until a certain point, then I get sick of seeing everybody in festive jumpers dancing to Mariah Carey and Wizzard and inevitably become more of a recluse until the year is over.
I mean come on, surely there's only so much everybody can take. All the build up for one fucking day of the year, all the money everybody spends and the bloody mess on Christmas morning... ehh.
I know, I know, once again I'm a miserable old man crying into my baubles and tinsel because I'm so tired of seeing 'Santa this way!' signs at every establishment I go to - disclaimer: Santa was most certainly not that way and I'm following up a potential lawsuit with the elves that led me to believe otherwise. Not a single helper will be spared, nor the reindeer, and definitely not Mrs Claus who appears to be an accomplice to her husband's tasteless lies.
Alas, that's it for tonight. My anecdotes and silly comments only go so far before I'm required to snap back to reality, (oops there goes gravity). Have a fantastic rest of the holiday season, everyone. I'll keep you updated on the lawsuit.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/12/2017
Friday 22 December 2017
Play Style: Git Gud
As quite the prevalent gamer, somebody who has been playing video games as far back as my memory will allow me to remember, (I'm an old man), I want to pose a question to you. This blog was never intended to become centred around gaming, but seeing as it's so esoterically built into who I am, I suppose it's something I should've expected.
But yes, my question; is there a right or wrong way to play a game? Most people read that and immediately thought, 'yeah, you dumbass, of course there is. That's why rules and shit exist', but what exactly is it within the game that makes it playable? Should it depend on the level of the player, or should it be accessible for anybody regardless of their skills? Does any of this contribute to how much enjoyment can be wrenched from a game's core?
... am I making any sense at all?
You have to remember that every opinion of what makes up a good game is totally subjective, therefore the experience will be subjective too. There's always going to be somebody that believes a certain game just isn't for them, which of course doesn't make that particular game bad. Then again... it totally could be.
I think it's important to discuss the types of play styles when talking about a game's playability. For example if we look at a game like Skyrim, there's insurmountable options - plenty of classes to play as, and interchangeable aspects in how you decide to play. Every single one can lead to success regardless of the difficulty level, whereas if we look at a franchise like Dark Souls, (and Bloodborne), it's safe to say there is a way to play that is far more effective in terms of both fun and playability. The hardened strategic baseline of the Souls series I think is what contributes to a lot of people finding the games completely unplayable. But is the game unfair or are they playing it wrong?
It's possible to progress in Skyrim with so many different skill sets and builds. You can be a sneak-thief khajiit, a sword and shield wielding nord or an arrow shooting elf, and the options don't end there. Despite all the options in Dark Souls, (and believe me there are a fuck-tonne - different weapons, etc), there's only a few combinations that really get the job done. The first two Souls games give you a shield pretty much at the beginning, yet anybody that's played them learned the hard way that using it is more detrimental than anything else.
Personally I believe that a person's unwillingness to experiment and leave their comfort zone, a place usually built on so many other gaming experiences, is what ultimately renders a game unplayable for those specific individuals. It isn't necessarily the game's fault or the designer's being unfair, but the player's inability to adapt. Just, y'know, don't be afraid to parry and side-roll the fuck out of your comfort zones in order to GIT GUD!
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/18/2017
But yes, my question; is there a right or wrong way to play a game? Most people read that and immediately thought, 'yeah, you dumbass, of course there is. That's why rules and shit exist', but what exactly is it within the game that makes it playable? Should it depend on the level of the player, or should it be accessible for anybody regardless of their skills? Does any of this contribute to how much enjoyment can be wrenched from a game's core?
... am I making any sense at all?
You have to remember that every opinion of what makes up a good game is totally subjective, therefore the experience will be subjective too. There's always going to be somebody that believes a certain game just isn't for them, which of course doesn't make that particular game bad. Then again... it totally could be.
I think it's important to discuss the types of play styles when talking about a game's playability. For example if we look at a game like Skyrim, there's insurmountable options - plenty of classes to play as, and interchangeable aspects in how you decide to play. Every single one can lead to success regardless of the difficulty level, whereas if we look at a franchise like Dark Souls, (and Bloodborne), it's safe to say there is a way to play that is far more effective in terms of both fun and playability. The hardened strategic baseline of the Souls series I think is what contributes to a lot of people finding the games completely unplayable. But is the game unfair or are they playing it wrong?
It's possible to progress in Skyrim with so many different skill sets and builds. You can be a sneak-thief khajiit, a sword and shield wielding nord or an arrow shooting elf, and the options don't end there. Despite all the options in Dark Souls, (and believe me there are a fuck-tonne - different weapons, etc), there's only a few combinations that really get the job done. The first two Souls games give you a shield pretty much at the beginning, yet anybody that's played them learned the hard way that using it is more detrimental than anything else.
Personally I believe that a person's unwillingness to experiment and leave their comfort zone, a place usually built on so many other gaming experiences, is what ultimately renders a game unplayable for those specific individuals. It isn't necessarily the game's fault or the designer's being unfair, but the player's inability to adapt. Just, y'know, don't be afraid to parry and side-roll the fuck out of your comfort zones in order to GIT GUD!Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/18/2017
Tuesday 19 December 2017
Sølibat
Time seems to pass so fast, lately. I wake up, watch a couple YouTube videos and suddenly it's three o'clock in the afternoon and getting dark already because it's almost Christmas. By half four, it's nap time, by half six it's time to wake up again, play Skyrim for a while, shower, spend another couple hours on the internet and then go to sleep again.
'Meta! What's your fucking point?' I hear in my head, imagining the response if I said this to an actual person. Is it sad that this is often my alternative to speaking to real... humans? As Davey Wreden said in one of my favourite games of all time, (covered here in my post on The Beginner's Guide - yes, I'm not above a shameless plug), "you can't talk yourself out of loneliness, it doesn't work that way." Is that what I'm trying to do here? Perhaps. It's not exactly a far out idea.
Surely that's the root of how a writer actually takes up the pen or keyboard and begins to write in the first place. It's like having a thousand conversations inside your head at the same time, in a way, there's never really enough quiet for somebody to be alone. I suppose I can be thankful for that, the lack of silence that I would inevitably struggle further with.
Anyway, back to my original point. I feel as if waking up to carry out a set of menial tasks that don't add up to anything, on repeat for a week when I'm not working, I don't know. It's tiring, a little... ugh. I don't know. I just wish there was more for me, right now. Is that selfish? Probably, I'm not exactly new to that particular concept.
"If there was an answer, a meaning, would it make you any happier?" Another quote from TBG. I think about this one a lot.
This blog has been fairly existential crisis-y for the last month or so, and I apologise for that but, well, this is just how I feel. Maybe the new year will bring something a little better my way.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/12/2017
'Meta! What's your fucking point?' I hear in my head, imagining the response if I said this to an actual person. Is it sad that this is often my alternative to speaking to real... humans? As Davey Wreden said in one of my favourite games of all time, (covered here in my post on The Beginner's Guide - yes, I'm not above a shameless plug), "you can't talk yourself out of loneliness, it doesn't work that way." Is that what I'm trying to do here? Perhaps. It's not exactly a far out idea.
Surely that's the root of how a writer actually takes up the pen or keyboard and begins to write in the first place. It's like having a thousand conversations inside your head at the same time, in a way, there's never really enough quiet for somebody to be alone. I suppose I can be thankful for that, the lack of silence that I would inevitably struggle further with.
Anyway, back to my original point. I feel as if waking up to carry out a set of menial tasks that don't add up to anything, on repeat for a week when I'm not working, I don't know. It's tiring, a little... ugh. I don't know. I just wish there was more for me, right now. Is that selfish? Probably, I'm not exactly new to that particular concept.
"If there was an answer, a meaning, would it make you any happier?" Another quote from TBG. I think about this one a lot.
This blog has been fairly existential crisis-y for the last month or so, and I apologise for that but, well, this is just how I feel. Maybe the new year will bring something a little better my way.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/12/2017
Friday 15 December 2017
Running
In this moment, right now as I type this, I feel empty. I feel like nothing will ever change. My life will remain static forever and I will never do anything that will make any kind of difference to anybody. I hate feeling this way, and I certainly don't want pity. I’m not going to bring any attention to this post as it’s sole purpose is for me to vent. I know this feeling will pass, and I know it’s probably down to lack of sleep, but I just feel... still. Cold. I’m so tired. All I want to do is fall asleep and dream of something pleasant for once. I don’t have nice dreams anymore. Oftentimes they’re recurring, and more often than not I’m being chased by something. Maybe that means I’m running from something in my waking life - perhaps I’m running from life itself. I wish I could get away.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/12/2017
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/12/2017
Tuesday 12 December 2017
Meta-Void
I keep finding notes here in the pitch. I'm not sure who's writing them, or even how they're getting here. They just sort of arrive... flit down into my line of sight, waving like an old friend nobody quite remembers despite the familiarity. Are they dropping from somewhere higher in the void? I didn't know that there was such a place. I'd like to think that if there is somewhere hidden among dimensions that I simply can't see, maybe it's brighter. I hope that one day I will find that brilliant radiance, and walk into the light at the end of this black, endless abyss.
- Unknown
- Unknown
Friday 8 December 2017
Stress Level Maxed Out
Just a quick little PSA today, guys. If you know that somebody is stressed and/or not in the greatest place mentally, maybe don’t add to it with snarky remarks or by challenging a person’s character when they’ve done nothing but ask for help. It’s completely unfathomable to me how somebody can see an individual in genuine turmoil and just drop a tonne more shit on them. Maybe... maybe just don’t do that, yeah?
This isn’t even about me, for those who may be suddenly wondering what’s wrong. It’s just a generalisation. If you see somebody struggling, please don’t exacerbate their situation. We’ve all been in that place of just wanting a tiny bit of support, especially from the people we rely on the most, whether we like it or not. I mean really, how difficult is it to send somebody a message asking if they need to talk?
I hope everybody’s having a pleasant evening. Perhaps go ahead and send a message to somebody you love and/or appreciate. A bit of affection and support never hurt anybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/12/17
This isn’t even about me, for those who may be suddenly wondering what’s wrong. It’s just a generalisation. If you see somebody struggling, please don’t exacerbate their situation. We’ve all been in that place of just wanting a tiny bit of support, especially from the people we rely on the most, whether we like it or not. I mean really, how difficult is it to send somebody a message asking if they need to talk?
I hope everybody’s having a pleasant evening. Perhaps go ahead and send a message to somebody you love and/or appreciate. A bit of affection and support never hurt anybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/12/17
Tuesday 5 December 2017
Level Complete
It's weird to think so many people don't bother trying new things because they truly believe they won't be capable. Like, how do you know unless you try? I understand that most people are afraid of trying and failing, but what if you try and end up succeeding in the end? Like, I don't know, the really hard level in the game you love. It's holding you back but you so want to get past that level, you're compelled and determined to continue the story, and once you finally progress the feeling is indescribably euphoric.
Some would give up after their fourth or fifth try, some maybe after the sixth or seventh, but it's the people that are willing to fail thirty, forty, maybe even fifty times that will end up succeeding in the end. Because with all those failed attempts comes experience. It might not feel like you're learning at all, but I can guarantee that you are. Very gradually your brain and your body are working together to alter certain patterns to help you and all you need to do is allow it to happen.
I implore you, pick up the instrument on which you learned one thing before you got too frustrated and gave up completely, continue writing that essay you're struggling with, delete it and start over if you need to, take on that level one more time and see where it gets you in the game of life. Keep striving, and greatness will find you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/12/2017
Some would give up after their fourth or fifth try, some maybe after the sixth or seventh, but it's the people that are willing to fail thirty, forty, maybe even fifty times that will end up succeeding in the end. Because with all those failed attempts comes experience. It might not feel like you're learning at all, but I can guarantee that you are. Very gradually your brain and your body are working together to alter certain patterns to help you and all you need to do is allow it to happen.
I implore you, pick up the instrument on which you learned one thing before you got too frustrated and gave up completely, continue writing that essay you're struggling with, delete it and start over if you need to, take on that level one more time and see where it gets you in the game of life. Keep striving, and greatness will find you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/12/2017
Friday 1 December 2017
Snow Day
There's something about having your first snow day with your partner in a setting that can only be described as whimsical that really solidifies a relationship. A surprise visit to York for their birthday ended up with us gaining entry to The Shop That Cannot Be Named, (a Harry Potter themed place for those that aren't nerds), and as we were waiting in line, large flakes of snow began to fall.
... and fall, and fall, and fall...
... and basically drown us as we froze.
There was a lot of snow is what I'm trying to get at.
I'm talking streets covered in less than ten minutes, people running for dear life because the citizens of the United Kingdom don't often prepare for a white winter. But despite the cold, we trudged on. Up and down streets full of shivering people, along corners home to buskers and other street performers - and as the man with the black guitar began to sing Can't Help Falling In Love, I somehow felt I had made it. I'm in a random English city with the love of my life, completely drenched by the amount of snow that makes you a little worried to drive, and we're being serenaded with one of our songs... all by complete coincidence.
Don't look away from the arms of a moment; when you find your moment, I promise it will be worth it.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
01/12/2017
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