I don't know whether I can say I've gotten back into writing, but I did manage to write another page on my... thing. I'm on the fifth chapter, technically, but still working on the fourth at the same time. I love it, I really do. I'm so invested in my characters and each backstory that they come with. I'm not entirely certain as to why I have these long bouts of writing nothing, but it's nice when it finally comes back after a long break.
As soon as I can think of a somewhat brilliant ending to my screenplay I'm going to get on with that too. For some reason I really connected with the format, which makes me want to write some short stuff just to get the hang of it a little more. There's something really rewarding about it, and there's no way of placing what that feeling is.
Writing this blog gives me a similar feeling, but only when I find the correct topic. Oftentimes posts become filler, and honestly a waste of time - both mine and yours. But I said I would upload twice a week to this place and I haven't given up yet, even when my brain has been completely frazzled. Like now for instance.
I won't see you for the new year, so, make sure you have a safe and happy start to your 2018. Make those resolutions last, yeah?
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
30/12/2017
Saturday 30 December 2017
Tuesday 26 December 2017
This Post Will Sleigh You (It Won't)
So... Christmas happened!
I sincerely hope everybody had a great Christmas and that you all enjoy the rest of the holidays. It's personally not my thing, for the same reasons that I made in my post about Birthdays, (all the fuss, etc), but it warms my cold heart to see everybody having a nice time with their families. Well, up until a certain point, then I get sick of seeing everybody in festive jumpers dancing to Mariah Carey and Wizzard and inevitably become more of a recluse until the year is over.
I mean come on, surely there's only so much everybody can take. All the build up for one fucking day of the year, all the money everybody spends and the bloody mess on Christmas morning... ehh.
I know, I know, once again I'm a miserable old man crying into my baubles and tinsel because I'm so tired of seeing 'Santa this way!' signs at every establishment I go to - disclaimer: Santa was most certainly not that way and I'm following up a potential lawsuit with the elves that led me to believe otherwise. Not a single helper will be spared, nor the reindeer, and definitely not Mrs Claus who appears to be an accomplice to her husband's tasteless lies.
Alas, that's it for tonight. My anecdotes and silly comments only go so far before I'm required to snap back to reality, (oops there goes gravity). Have a fantastic rest of the holiday season, everyone. I'll keep you updated on the lawsuit.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/12/2017
I sincerely hope everybody had a great Christmas and that you all enjoy the rest of the holidays. It's personally not my thing, for the same reasons that I made in my post about Birthdays, (all the fuss, etc), but it warms my cold heart to see everybody having a nice time with their families. Well, up until a certain point, then I get sick of seeing everybody in festive jumpers dancing to Mariah Carey and Wizzard and inevitably become more of a recluse until the year is over.
I mean come on, surely there's only so much everybody can take. All the build up for one fucking day of the year, all the money everybody spends and the bloody mess on Christmas morning... ehh.
I know, I know, once again I'm a miserable old man crying into my baubles and tinsel because I'm so tired of seeing 'Santa this way!' signs at every establishment I go to - disclaimer: Santa was most certainly not that way and I'm following up a potential lawsuit with the elves that led me to believe otherwise. Not a single helper will be spared, nor the reindeer, and definitely not Mrs Claus who appears to be an accomplice to her husband's tasteless lies.
Alas, that's it for tonight. My anecdotes and silly comments only go so far before I'm required to snap back to reality, (oops there goes gravity). Have a fantastic rest of the holiday season, everyone. I'll keep you updated on the lawsuit.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/12/2017
Friday 22 December 2017
Play Style: Git Gud
As quite the prevalent gamer, somebody who has been playing video games as far back as my memory will allow me to remember, (I'm an old man), I want to pose a question to you. This blog was never intended to become centred around gaming, but seeing as it's so esoterically built into who I am, I suppose it's something I should've expected.
But yes, my question; is there a right or wrong way to play a game? Most people read that and immediately thought, 'yeah, you dumbass, of course there is. That's why rules and shit exist', but what exactly is it within the game that makes it playable? Should it depend on the level of the player, or should it be accessible for anybody regardless of their skills? Does any of this contribute to how much enjoyment can be wrenched from a game's core?
... am I making any sense at all?
You have to remember that every opinion of what makes up a good game is totally subjective, therefore the experience will be subjective too. There's always going to be somebody that believes a certain game just isn't for them, which of course doesn't make that particular game bad. Then again... it totally could be.
I think it's important to discuss the types of play styles when talking about a game's playability. For example if we look at a game like Skyrim, there's insurmountable options - plenty of classes to play as, and interchangeable aspects in how you decide to play. Every single one can lead to success regardless of the difficulty level, whereas if we look at a franchise like Dark Souls, (and Bloodborne), it's safe to say there is a way to play that is far more effective in terms of both fun and playability. The hardened strategic baseline of the Souls series I think is what contributes to a lot of people finding the games completely unplayable. But is the game unfair or are they playing it wrong?
It's possible to progress in Skyrim with so many different skill sets and builds. You can be a sneak-thief khajiit, a sword and shield wielding nord or an arrow shooting elf, and the options don't end there. Despite all the options in Dark Souls, (and believe me there are a fuck-tonne - different weapons, etc), there's only a few combinations that really get the job done. The first two Souls games give you a shield pretty much at the beginning, yet anybody that's played them learned the hard way that using it is more detrimental than anything else.
Personally I believe that a person's unwillingness to experiment and leave their comfort zone, a place usually built on so many other gaming experiences, is what ultimately renders a game unplayable for those specific individuals. It isn't necessarily the game's fault or the designer's being unfair, but the player's inability to adapt. Just, y'know, don't be afraid to parry and side-roll the fuck out of your comfort zones in order to GIT GUD!
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/18/2017
But yes, my question; is there a right or wrong way to play a game? Most people read that and immediately thought, 'yeah, you dumbass, of course there is. That's why rules and shit exist', but what exactly is it within the game that makes it playable? Should it depend on the level of the player, or should it be accessible for anybody regardless of their skills? Does any of this contribute to how much enjoyment can be wrenched from a game's core?
... am I making any sense at all?
You have to remember that every opinion of what makes up a good game is totally subjective, therefore the experience will be subjective too. There's always going to be somebody that believes a certain game just isn't for them, which of course doesn't make that particular game bad. Then again... it totally could be.
I think it's important to discuss the types of play styles when talking about a game's playability. For example if we look at a game like Skyrim, there's insurmountable options - plenty of classes to play as, and interchangeable aspects in how you decide to play. Every single one can lead to success regardless of the difficulty level, whereas if we look at a franchise like Dark Souls, (and Bloodborne), it's safe to say there is a way to play that is far more effective in terms of both fun and playability. The hardened strategic baseline of the Souls series I think is what contributes to a lot of people finding the games completely unplayable. But is the game unfair or are they playing it wrong?
It's possible to progress in Skyrim with so many different skill sets and builds. You can be a sneak-thief khajiit, a sword and shield wielding nord or an arrow shooting elf, and the options don't end there. Despite all the options in Dark Souls, (and believe me there are a fuck-tonne - different weapons, etc), there's only a few combinations that really get the job done. The first two Souls games give you a shield pretty much at the beginning, yet anybody that's played them learned the hard way that using it is more detrimental than anything else.
Personally I believe that a person's unwillingness to experiment and leave their comfort zone, a place usually built on so many other gaming experiences, is what ultimately renders a game unplayable for those specific individuals. It isn't necessarily the game's fault or the designer's being unfair, but the player's inability to adapt. Just, y'know, don't be afraid to parry and side-roll the fuck out of your comfort zones in order to GIT GUD!Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/18/2017
Tuesday 19 December 2017
Sølibat
Time seems to pass so fast, lately. I wake up, watch a couple YouTube videos and suddenly it's three o'clock in the afternoon and getting dark already because it's almost Christmas. By half four, it's nap time, by half six it's time to wake up again, play Skyrim for a while, shower, spend another couple hours on the internet and then go to sleep again.
'Meta! What's your fucking point?' I hear in my head, imagining the response if I said this to an actual person. Is it sad that this is often my alternative to speaking to real... humans? As Davey Wreden said in one of my favourite games of all time, (covered here in my post on The Beginner's Guide - yes, I'm not above a shameless plug), "you can't talk yourself out of loneliness, it doesn't work that way." Is that what I'm trying to do here? Perhaps. It's not exactly a far out idea.
Surely that's the root of how a writer actually takes up the pen or keyboard and begins to write in the first place. It's like having a thousand conversations inside your head at the same time, in a way, there's never really enough quiet for somebody to be alone. I suppose I can be thankful for that, the lack of silence that I would inevitably struggle further with.
Anyway, back to my original point. I feel as if waking up to carry out a set of menial tasks that don't add up to anything, on repeat for a week when I'm not working, I don't know. It's tiring, a little... ugh. I don't know. I just wish there was more for me, right now. Is that selfish? Probably, I'm not exactly new to that particular concept.
"If there was an answer, a meaning, would it make you any happier?" Another quote from TBG. I think about this one a lot.
This blog has been fairly existential crisis-y for the last month or so, and I apologise for that but, well, this is just how I feel. Maybe the new year will bring something a little better my way.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/12/2017
'Meta! What's your fucking point?' I hear in my head, imagining the response if I said this to an actual person. Is it sad that this is often my alternative to speaking to real... humans? As Davey Wreden said in one of my favourite games of all time, (covered here in my post on The Beginner's Guide - yes, I'm not above a shameless plug), "you can't talk yourself out of loneliness, it doesn't work that way." Is that what I'm trying to do here? Perhaps. It's not exactly a far out idea.
Surely that's the root of how a writer actually takes up the pen or keyboard and begins to write in the first place. It's like having a thousand conversations inside your head at the same time, in a way, there's never really enough quiet for somebody to be alone. I suppose I can be thankful for that, the lack of silence that I would inevitably struggle further with.
Anyway, back to my original point. I feel as if waking up to carry out a set of menial tasks that don't add up to anything, on repeat for a week when I'm not working, I don't know. It's tiring, a little... ugh. I don't know. I just wish there was more for me, right now. Is that selfish? Probably, I'm not exactly new to that particular concept.
"If there was an answer, a meaning, would it make you any happier?" Another quote from TBG. I think about this one a lot.
This blog has been fairly existential crisis-y for the last month or so, and I apologise for that but, well, this is just how I feel. Maybe the new year will bring something a little better my way.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/12/2017
Friday 15 December 2017
Running
In this moment, right now as I type this, I feel empty. I feel like nothing will ever change. My life will remain static forever and I will never do anything that will make any kind of difference to anybody. I hate feeling this way, and I certainly don't want pity. I’m not going to bring any attention to this post as it’s sole purpose is for me to vent. I know this feeling will pass, and I know it’s probably down to lack of sleep, but I just feel... still. Cold. I’m so tired. All I want to do is fall asleep and dream of something pleasant for once. I don’t have nice dreams anymore. Oftentimes they’re recurring, and more often than not I’m being chased by something. Maybe that means I’m running from something in my waking life - perhaps I’m running from life itself. I wish I could get away.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/12/2017
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/12/2017
Tuesday 12 December 2017
Meta-Void
I keep finding notes here in the pitch. I'm not sure who's writing them, or even how they're getting here. They just sort of arrive... flit down into my line of sight, waving like an old friend nobody quite remembers despite the familiarity. Are they dropping from somewhere higher in the void? I didn't know that there was such a place. I'd like to think that if there is somewhere hidden among dimensions that I simply can't see, maybe it's brighter. I hope that one day I will find that brilliant radiance, and walk into the light at the end of this black, endless abyss.
- Unknown
- Unknown
Friday 8 December 2017
Stress Level Maxed Out
Just a quick little PSA today, guys. If you know that somebody is stressed and/or not in the greatest place mentally, maybe don’t add to it with snarky remarks or by challenging a person’s character when they’ve done nothing but ask for help. It’s completely unfathomable to me how somebody can see an individual in genuine turmoil and just drop a tonne more shit on them. Maybe... maybe just don’t do that, yeah?
This isn’t even about me, for those who may be suddenly wondering what’s wrong. It’s just a generalisation. If you see somebody struggling, please don’t exacerbate their situation. We’ve all been in that place of just wanting a tiny bit of support, especially from the people we rely on the most, whether we like it or not. I mean really, how difficult is it to send somebody a message asking if they need to talk?
I hope everybody’s having a pleasant evening. Perhaps go ahead and send a message to somebody you love and/or appreciate. A bit of affection and support never hurt anybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/12/17
This isn’t even about me, for those who may be suddenly wondering what’s wrong. It’s just a generalisation. If you see somebody struggling, please don’t exacerbate their situation. We’ve all been in that place of just wanting a tiny bit of support, especially from the people we rely on the most, whether we like it or not. I mean really, how difficult is it to send somebody a message asking if they need to talk?
I hope everybody’s having a pleasant evening. Perhaps go ahead and send a message to somebody you love and/or appreciate. A bit of affection and support never hurt anybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/12/17
Tuesday 5 December 2017
Level Complete
It's weird to think so many people don't bother trying new things because they truly believe they won't be capable. Like, how do you know unless you try? I understand that most people are afraid of trying and failing, but what if you try and end up succeeding in the end? Like, I don't know, the really hard level in the game you love. It's holding you back but you so want to get past that level, you're compelled and determined to continue the story, and once you finally progress the feeling is indescribably euphoric.
Some would give up after their fourth or fifth try, some maybe after the sixth or seventh, but it's the people that are willing to fail thirty, forty, maybe even fifty times that will end up succeeding in the end. Because with all those failed attempts comes experience. It might not feel like you're learning at all, but I can guarantee that you are. Very gradually your brain and your body are working together to alter certain patterns to help you and all you need to do is allow it to happen.
I implore you, pick up the instrument on which you learned one thing before you got too frustrated and gave up completely, continue writing that essay you're struggling with, delete it and start over if you need to, take on that level one more time and see where it gets you in the game of life. Keep striving, and greatness will find you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/12/2017
Some would give up after their fourth or fifth try, some maybe after the sixth or seventh, but it's the people that are willing to fail thirty, forty, maybe even fifty times that will end up succeeding in the end. Because with all those failed attempts comes experience. It might not feel like you're learning at all, but I can guarantee that you are. Very gradually your brain and your body are working together to alter certain patterns to help you and all you need to do is allow it to happen.
I implore you, pick up the instrument on which you learned one thing before you got too frustrated and gave up completely, continue writing that essay you're struggling with, delete it and start over if you need to, take on that level one more time and see where it gets you in the game of life. Keep striving, and greatness will find you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/12/2017
Friday 1 December 2017
Snow Day
There's something about having your first snow day with your partner in a setting that can only be described as whimsical that really solidifies a relationship. A surprise visit to York for their birthday ended up with us gaining entry to The Shop That Cannot Be Named, (a Harry Potter themed place for those that aren't nerds), and as we were waiting in line, large flakes of snow began to fall.
... and fall, and fall, and fall...
... and basically drown us as we froze.
There was a lot of snow is what I'm trying to get at.
I'm talking streets covered in less than ten minutes, people running for dear life because the citizens of the United Kingdom don't often prepare for a white winter. But despite the cold, we trudged on. Up and down streets full of shivering people, along corners home to buskers and other street performers - and as the man with the black guitar began to sing Can't Help Falling In Love, I somehow felt I had made it. I'm in a random English city with the love of my life, completely drenched by the amount of snow that makes you a little worried to drive, and we're being serenaded with one of our songs... all by complete coincidence.
Don't look away from the arms of a moment; when you find your moment, I promise it will be worth it.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
01/12/2017
Monday 27 November 2017
Written Validation
Cody didn't speak much anymore, he didn't know how to. At least not to James. Not in a way that was constructive, or that would help him with whatever internal thing he was wrestling. He sat at his computer closing down his internet pages, and opened up a blank note document.
Tentatively, with James watching over his shoulder, he began to type. 'I can't do this anymore,' he tapped out gently, 'I can't keep making these for you.'
James ran his fingers through his dark hair, and as Cody turned to look at him he saw something he'd never seen before. Confusion. "I only want to help you, Cody. I don't understand why you won't let me help," James said, reading over the text again. He leaned forward and squinted, as if getting closer to the screen would help him understand; it didn't.
Cody faced forward again, typing another message, 'struggling to come up with new ideas isn't making me depressed. Low points are just a part of the process.'
"But you've completely hidden yourself away from everybody, it's... it's like you're a recluse or something.” James shook his head in defiance. Why was Cody being like this? So... so stubborn? Why was he refusing help?
Cody offered his friend a hard stare accompanied by a frustrated, barely audible sigh. 'When you're around me, I feel physically ill,' he typed, his pace faster now, 'you've so infected my personal space that maybe I did start planting solutions in my work somewhere. Just to make you happy.'
James’ eyebrows furrowed while his gaze skimmed over the text. He was hurting Cody. Slowly the mist lifted and he understood. "I'm the reason, aren't I? The reason all your inspiration is gone... I poisoned it for you."
Cody’s silence lingered.
"I forced you to write things I could try to find meaning in... try to make sense of, try to... use to figure you out," he explained, resting his elbows just above his knees. His stare hit the hot pink carpet Cody had been so adamant on choosing when they'd moved in. He rested his palms over his eyes, "I felt okay as long as I had your work to see myself in. I wanted to know you through the things you wrote, but..." he paused, eyeing Cody through his fingers, "because your work is dark and incomplete, I assumed you were too. I thought you were lonely... desperate for help. The whole time it was me. Searching for... something."
'My work doesn’t need a solution,' Cody typed, 'why can't you just let it be what it is?'
James looked completely lost. Everything in his being was telling him that Cody was wrong. Writing should be complete, a piece should have an ending, and it should be good enough to reap external validation. But why?
“When I showed people your work, they acted like I was the important one, for somehow discovering your talent..." James pursed his lips, chewing on loose skin, "they were interested in what I had to say." If James knew that his life depended on finding something to be driven by other than external validation... what would that even be?
“Nobody has ever praised anything I've made... I actually cannot conceive of what that would be like," James mused.
Cody didn't know what he was supposed to do or say, but watching the life slowly drain from his friend's face pained him.
Without hesitating, he turned to his keyboard again, 'you're not my problem to solve.'
Without hesitating, he turned to his keyboard again, 'you're not my problem to solve.'
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
27/11/17
Friday 24 November 2017
Philosophies of Jim
Madness is so often mistaken for philosophy, so my question to you is; how often do you think philosophy is mistaken for madness? How many times do you think somebody said something comparable to, 'yo, um, guys? I think the earth might be round??' and drew the same reaction? Probably not many, right? Why listen to some crazy old man who supposedly knows nothing outside of himself?
I don't know. Jim Carrey's been on the brain lately and people seem to think he's going a bit doolally. I believe he's a lot more down to earth than people care to understand. He's unhappy, and has been for a long time due to the amount of time he himself has been stuck as Jim Carrey: Funny-man extraordinaire. He made a promise to himself that he would make ten million before he turned thirty, and he did that. Unfortunately, only now does he realise that wealth doesn't make a sad man happy.
It breaks my heart to see a man I have so much respect for, an individual who has single-handedly molded my sense of humour into what it is today, in such a discontented and dilapidated state. I would give anything to have a one on one conversation with Jim over Jim Carrey any day of the week. How often do you think people asked for that?
If there's one thing I can take from Jim, one thing I can shamelessly live by, it's that life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you. You can fail at what you don't want, so you may as well take a chance doing what you love.
Have a great weekend, everybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
24/11/2017
I don't know. Jim Carrey's been on the brain lately and people seem to think he's going a bit doolally. I believe he's a lot more down to earth than people care to understand. He's unhappy, and has been for a long time due to the amount of time he himself has been stuck as Jim Carrey: Funny-man extraordinaire. He made a promise to himself that he would make ten million before he turned thirty, and he did that. Unfortunately, only now does he realise that wealth doesn't make a sad man happy.
It breaks my heart to see a man I have so much respect for, an individual who has single-handedly molded my sense of humour into what it is today, in such a discontented and dilapidated state. I would give anything to have a one on one conversation with Jim over Jim Carrey any day of the week. How often do you think people asked for that?
If there's one thing I can take from Jim, one thing I can shamelessly live by, it's that life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you. You can fail at what you don't want, so you may as well take a chance doing what you love.
Have a great weekend, everybody.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
24/11/2017
Tuesday 21 November 2017
I'm fine.
'How are you?'
I don't know, I wish I had more that I could give. I wish the things I said were leading and that they meant something, that somehow a purpose would poke it's head through the void and make my life meaningful.
I wish I was brave enough to face my creativity head on, alone, and that I could simply be content with whatever the outcome.
I wish that my hobbies still gave me the warm, fuzzy feeling they used to before everything turned into craving approval.
I wish I wasn't so desperate for what I create to be loved and adored, much like myself.
I wish my definition of success didn't depend on how many people like what I produce.
I wish happiness was easier to achieve.
I wish I was enough.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
21/11/2017
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
21/11/2017
Friday 17 November 2017
Slip 'N' Slide
Since I was very little, my dad has taken me to our local ice rink almost every single weekend. Ice skating has been our hobby for as long as I can remember, meaning I have a lot of hours on that rink. Being on the ice is freeing... that is until something goes very wrong. My long streak of no injuries had lasted for a solid two or three years until my dad jinxed me. I'm convinced. It was either him or my witch friend putting a curse on me...
'I've never even seen you fall,' he said during a skate session last week. The following Saturday I had a nice five or ten minutes of skating before my streak was shattered. Somehow a guy managed to trip me and the next thing I'm on the ground looking up at six people who've just seen me slide a good ten metres. I don't specifically remember the falling, just the whole landing on my back with brute force and smacking my head against the ice. That I remember vividly.
I had a rest and finished out the session at a calmer pace than I would usually, but the pain didn't really set in until later. My abdomen started to feel like I'd done two weeks worth of working out in a single day, and lifting my head from a laid down position was excruciating so I'm just assuming I strained my neck. Today is the seventh day of recovery and I'm still in pain, but it'd minimal at this point.
I didn't go to the hospital or even get checked by a health professional because I'm way too stubborn and I hate that kind of thing, but if you hurt yourself in a similar way then please go get yourself checked. Better to be safe than sorry. All I did was make sure I didn't sleep until I was sure I didn't have a concussion - but even then it's really impossible for me to properly know. Be safe, be sensible.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/11/2017
'I've never even seen you fall,' he said during a skate session last week. The following Saturday I had a nice five or ten minutes of skating before my streak was shattered. Somehow a guy managed to trip me and the next thing I'm on the ground looking up at six people who've just seen me slide a good ten metres. I don't specifically remember the falling, just the whole landing on my back with brute force and smacking my head against the ice. That I remember vividly.
I had a rest and finished out the session at a calmer pace than I would usually, but the pain didn't really set in until later. My abdomen started to feel like I'd done two weeks worth of working out in a single day, and lifting my head from a laid down position was excruciating so I'm just assuming I strained my neck. Today is the seventh day of recovery and I'm still in pain, but it'd minimal at this point.
I didn't go to the hospital or even get checked by a health professional because I'm way too stubborn and I hate that kind of thing, but if you hurt yourself in a similar way then please go get yourself checked. Better to be safe than sorry. All I did was make sure I didn't sleep until I was sure I didn't have a concussion - but even then it's really impossible for me to properly know. Be safe, be sensible.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/11/2017
Tuesday 14 November 2017
A Clown Among People
Drawing the menthol smoke into his cold lungs, Oliver allowed it to sit as usual, to fester inside him before exhaling slowly into the blistering night air. The smoke arrogantly wafted into the faces of happy couples as he passed, as if it were obeying the spiteful will of it's conduit, drawing snarls and knitted brows from the victims. The Clown sniggered, but there was no real humour behind it. Every fibre of his being wanted an excuse to ruin somebody's night. He was feeling shitty, so everybody else around him deserved to feel shitty too. It took a powerful force within him to resist the urge to shove an ice cream into a kid's face, or to kick somebody into the sloppy mud.
Thailand wasn't the place he wanted to be at this time of year. The locals were nice enough, meaning of course their pleasant attitude was unbearable and... hospitable. He'd missed Hallowe'en with Niall, he was missing Bonfire Night, and he would most likely miss Christmas, too. He hated all three, but that simply wasn't the point. There was a constant nagging in his head offering the insight that maybe his father had sent him away on work purposely.
If he were honest, he wouldn't usually give two fucks if he slept through occasions like those. But seeing Niall's face light up during the holidays was about the only blessing he had, and that had been taken from him. The younger male understood his boyfriend's malicious, hateful nature, and somehow was able to soften him. Perhaps that was the real reason Oliver was angry; he was missing the chance to have life breathed into him. To have a smile on his face caused by somebody that he could make happy.
He placed the cigarette between his lips for the last time, then dropped it onto the pavement without attempting to douse the stub. Fireworks reflected in the pupils of people he passed, but his own were lined and cold. Lifeless and unforgiving.
The buzz from his phone pulled him out of the thoughtful smokey haze. Taking it from his jacket pocket, he pressed Niall's text icon. 'Get some sleep tonight. I know what you're like when you're tired and grumpy. x'
His nostrils flared as he scoffed. 'Telling an insomniac to sleep is like telling a man with a broken leg to get up and walk it off.' he tapped out in response.
Not ten seconds later came Niall's cheeky reply, 'how about telling a grumpy bastard to lighten up? Is that a better comparison? x'
Oliver's lips curled at that. 'Go to sleep, I'll call you in the morning.'
'I love you. x'
'Good, someone has to. I love you, too. x'
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
14/11/2017
Thailand wasn't the place he wanted to be at this time of year. The locals were nice enough, meaning of course their pleasant attitude was unbearable and... hospitable. He'd missed Hallowe'en with Niall, he was missing Bonfire Night, and he would most likely miss Christmas, too. He hated all three, but that simply wasn't the point. There was a constant nagging in his head offering the insight that maybe his father had sent him away on work purposely.
If he were honest, he wouldn't usually give two fucks if he slept through occasions like those. But seeing Niall's face light up during the holidays was about the only blessing he had, and that had been taken from him. The younger male understood his boyfriend's malicious, hateful nature, and somehow was able to soften him. Perhaps that was the real reason Oliver was angry; he was missing the chance to have life breathed into him. To have a smile on his face caused by somebody that he could make happy.
He placed the cigarette between his lips for the last time, then dropped it onto the pavement without attempting to douse the stub. Fireworks reflected in the pupils of people he passed, but his own were lined and cold. Lifeless and unforgiving.
The buzz from his phone pulled him out of the thoughtful smokey haze. Taking it from his jacket pocket, he pressed Niall's text icon. 'Get some sleep tonight. I know what you're like when you're tired and grumpy. x'
His nostrils flared as he scoffed. 'Telling an insomniac to sleep is like telling a man with a broken leg to get up and walk it off.' he tapped out in response.
Not ten seconds later came Niall's cheeky reply, 'how about telling a grumpy bastard to lighten up? Is that a better comparison? x'
Oliver's lips curled at that. 'Go to sleep, I'll call you in the morning.'
'I love you. x'
'Good, someone has to. I love you, too. x'
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
14/11/2017
Friday 10 November 2017
The Beginner's Guide: A Subjective Idea
There are few things that I can say I'm genuinely in love with, and it's taken me over two years to really think about and find the right words I want to say about this, but here I go. I hope this lives up to what I hope and expect from myself.
The Beginner's Guide, (TBG), was released onto the Steam store on October 1st of 2015 without much explanation. The only details anybody really knew for a fact was that it was created by Davey Wreden under the studio name Everything Unlimited Ltd. The indie game is Wreden's follow up to his heavily praised piece The Stanley Parable, (TSP) - And by 'heavily praised', I'm saying Wreden went from an unknown game designer to basically what I can only describe as the Messiah of game-based storytelling overnight.
I would call TBG an experience, to say the least. The game supposedly combats struggles that Wreden faced during the release of TSP; so much attention drawn to one person in such a short period of time, a spotlight that he found almost impossible to escape because finally he was given exactly what he'd been craving. To be adored and idolised, to be questioned and studied in such a way that he could offer his thoughts on everything he'd always wanted to talk about.
By writing this article and by bringing attention to this game once again, I am desecrating the very message TBG is trying to send. But as somebody who has spent what ought to be described as an unhealthy amount of time thinking about this game, I'm willing to take that step. Besides, I'm almost certain there's still a small part of Wreden that revels in being examined.
The game for me centres on two ideas:
- Creating and sharing in hopes of reaping some form of external validation to feed the desperate need to be liked and appreciated. And encompassed within that, being content with the belief that what you have created is good and worth the effort it took to make it, regardless of who sees it and what they ultimately think.
- The Artist is Absent.
The Artist is Absent, (TAIA), is a concept that I have been continuously enamoured and humoured by throughout my writing career, and I noticed specific parts of it interwoven into the game's story. It's hard to talk about relatively to TBG because by saying, 'TBG is about the absence of an artist,' I am then contributing to the concept itself. I am making that assumption because it has never been clarified by Wreden himself. Making the assumption that you understand what the artist meant to do without actually knowing it concretely is TAIA. Imagine; you've been making all sorts of assumptions and telling everybody you could find exactly what a certain thing meant, and then suddenly you're confronted directly by the creator who then tells you flat out that you're either wrong, or there simply is no meaning. That is the absence of an artist.
The fact that I am telling you all this, the fact that I researched this game enough to somewhat understand the point, (I think... at least I hope), is me taking part in TAIA, which I hate. If you ever studied literature in English class, you might recognise what I'm talking about. 'Yes, the curtains were blue, but what does that mean? Could the author be attempting to cleverly reference an underlying melancholia through the colour of the curtains? Maybe the blue represents an oncoming state of calm that the reader is yet to realise!' Or maybe the curtains were just fucking blue. There is no way to know the meaning behind someone's work unless an artist tells us outright, so why are we so obsessed with plastering an interpretation on something as if it were fact?
This then cleverly loops back to my previous point. Praise. The excessive need to feel positively validated by some external source because we're so desperate to be told that we're good, that we're right and that what we come up with is brilliant. I've done my best to really avoid the plot because if there's anything you take from this post, it's that I want you to go play the game yourself, or watch a playthrough of it and make up your own mind. The ironic part is that it's impossible not to speculate on the real meaning, which is exactly what the game is telling us not to do. The sheer enigmatic nature of The Beginner's Guide can only be likened to the cat that wants you to pet it and then scratches you two minutes later for doing so, but... it was worth petting that cat, right?
I'm going to include a couple links here at the bottom for people interested in digging deeper. Until then, see you guys next week.
Davey Wreden: Playing Stories - Aalto University Games Now! (Lecture)
The Artist is Absent: Davey Wreden and The Beginner's Guide
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
10/11/2017
This then cleverly loops back to my previous point. Praise. The excessive need to feel positively validated by some external source because we're so desperate to be told that we're good, that we're right and that what we come up with is brilliant. I've done my best to really avoid the plot because if there's anything you take from this post, it's that I want you to go play the game yourself, or watch a playthrough of it and make up your own mind. The ironic part is that it's impossible not to speculate on the real meaning, which is exactly what the game is telling us not to do. The sheer enigmatic nature of The Beginner's Guide can only be likened to the cat that wants you to pet it and then scratches you two minutes later for doing so, but... it was worth petting that cat, right?
I'm going to include a couple links here at the bottom for people interested in digging deeper. Until then, see you guys next week.
Davey Wreden: Playing Stories - Aalto University Games Now! (Lecture)
The Artist is Absent: Davey Wreden and The Beginner's Guide
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
10/11/2017
Tuesday 7 November 2017
Friday 3 November 2017
Entry 2
I knew mum's birthday would be a complete and utter fucking disaster. It always is because there's no way of avoiding her sister. We could move to Yemen and that hag would find us. I wouldn't give a shit about her snide attitude if she just left Ronnie out of it, but she always finds an excuse to bring him up so she can rip him apart. I know she does it to get at us, including me, and I wouldn't mind so much but dad's face... it kills me. I just want to see him smile when somebody mentions R, like he used to.
- Adrian
Tuesday 31 October 2017
Happy Hallowe'en!
I miss having the motivation for doing stuff on Hallowe'en. The most I bother with now is watching horror movies, but that's not just specifically reserved for this holiday anymore so even that's whatever. I don't have motivation for much at the moment, but I'm going to try and hopefully get a new text game out by next week.
Not sure on a topic or story line yet, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. I just miss coding, honestly. There was something about how brain deadening it was that was therapeutic. Focusing on the numbers and allowing your mind to go blank for a while is nice, though I'm glad it's just a hobby rather than a full time thing. Don't know if I could stomach it for that long.
I wonder what the ratio for crappy horror movies vs. decent, watchable horror movies is? I feel like I've seen my fair share of terrible movies, but horror is definitely one of the most prolific genres for bad film making. Probably the most watched, too.
Anyways, I hope everybody is having a spoopy evening and that everybody is safe and happy. Today has been a long day and I can't wait to get some sleep. God, I'm getting old.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
31/10/2017
Not sure on a topic or story line yet, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. I just miss coding, honestly. There was something about how brain deadening it was that was therapeutic. Focusing on the numbers and allowing your mind to go blank for a while is nice, though I'm glad it's just a hobby rather than a full time thing. Don't know if I could stomach it for that long.
I wonder what the ratio for crappy horror movies vs. decent, watchable horror movies is? I feel like I've seen my fair share of terrible movies, but horror is definitely one of the most prolific genres for bad film making. Probably the most watched, too.
Anyways, I hope everybody is having a spoopy evening and that everybody is safe and happy. Today has been a long day and I can't wait to get some sleep. God, I'm getting old.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
31/10/2017
Friday 27 October 2017
Jigsaw: A Homage
I cannot begin to describe the shivers and chills that danced along my spine when the classic Saw theme began to fade in as I settled down to watch this Hallowe'en's brand new bloodbath. The first trap really set the scene; reminiscent of the Neck Tie trap in Saw V. Five unlucky sinners confined in the dark, waiting until they're forced to atone in this gruesomely clever homage.
I won't be describing every detail of what happened in this new installment because I want you to be able to read this spoiler free and enjoy the immersion. But I will be going through a few things I noted down while watching, so stop reading here if you want everything to remain a surprise!
The film's place in the timeline is established early with a ten year mark, which I personally thought was a good choice. Get the initial, 'is it a sequel? Is it a prequel?' misunderstanding out the way so the true fuckery can begin later on. *insert cringey devil emoji here*
The first trap ends and there's a bit of calm, after that short period the classic Saw/horror movie character trope is introduced; the one who is willing to endanger or even kill in order to escape or complete the games. I like this because it shows the movies are still willing to keep the age old formula. It works even if it shouldn't and the group's dynamic doesn't get old. The one person you're supposed to hate until the true threat is disclosed. They certainly didn't have a leg to stand on.
Overall I really liked the traps shown. All were new and a couple had me laughing, mostly due to excitement of seeing them, which was a pleasant surprise, and the backstories of every individual were really nicely outlined so there was no confusion.
A couple nice things were added as a homage to the previous movies, such as a room of Kramer's traps owned or built by an avid super-fan, pig masks strewn among multiple scenes, and the saw, (that I can only assume is supposed to be the one Lawrence Gordon used to amputate his foot in Saw), is placed ceremoniously on an altar. All nods that I both appreciated and reciprocated in respectful admiration.
Everything about this movie, for me, was perfect. The execution - no pun intended - after such a long gap between the seventh film was extremely well done. The timeline wasn't eviscerated beyond all recognition, and it was fun to narrow your eyes and guess along until the big reveal. The clues were all there and it was really easy to follow and understand, even for people who haven't seen the other volumes in the franchise.
I'll leave the rest to you guys. I'd love to know what you thought about the film once you see it, so all comments welcome. Once again, thanks for joining me and I'll see you next week.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
27/10/2017
I won't be describing every detail of what happened in this new installment because I want you to be able to read this spoiler free and enjoy the immersion. But I will be going through a few things I noted down while watching, so stop reading here if you want everything to remain a surprise!
The film's place in the timeline is established early with a ten year mark, which I personally thought was a good choice. Get the initial, 'is it a sequel? Is it a prequel?' misunderstanding out the way so the true fuckery can begin later on. *insert cringey devil emoji here*
The first trap ends and there's a bit of calm, after that short period the classic Saw/horror movie character trope is introduced; the one who is willing to endanger or even kill in order to escape or complete the games. I like this because it shows the movies are still willing to keep the age old formula. It works even if it shouldn't and the group's dynamic doesn't get old. The one person you're supposed to hate until the true threat is disclosed. They certainly didn't have a leg to stand on.
Overall I really liked the traps shown. All were new and a couple had me laughing, mostly due to excitement of seeing them, which was a pleasant surprise, and the backstories of every individual were really nicely outlined so there was no confusion.
A couple nice things were added as a homage to the previous movies, such as a room of Kramer's traps owned or built by an avid super-fan, pig masks strewn among multiple scenes, and the saw, (that I can only assume is supposed to be the one Lawrence Gordon used to amputate his foot in Saw), is placed ceremoniously on an altar. All nods that I both appreciated and reciprocated in respectful admiration.
Everything about this movie, for me, was perfect. The execution - no pun intended - after such a long gap between the seventh film was extremely well done. The timeline wasn't eviscerated beyond all recognition, and it was fun to narrow your eyes and guess along until the big reveal. The clues were all there and it was really easy to follow and understand, even for people who haven't seen the other volumes in the franchise.
I'll leave the rest to you guys. I'd love to know what you thought about the film once you see it, so all comments welcome. Once again, thanks for joining me and I'll see you next week.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
27/10/2017
Tuesday 24 October 2017
Entry 1
I'm writing this and then going to sleep. Can't face anybody else today. I smashed my TV and dad's pissed. He knows what happened but as usual he doesn't believe me and thinks I'm making shit up. Reckon he just thinks I'm still fucked up since Ronnie left, but I'm over it. I just wanted them to stop taunting me... and now they have. The screen is cracked and it just flickers when I hold the button. He says he can fix it, but it'll be at the end of the week after mum's birthday, and I'll have to buy a new lamp. Need to write in her card but Lou told me not to.
Maybe it's the colour of the pen he doesn't like.
Tom is still convinced our dev teacher has some skeletons in his closet - more along the lines of bodies under the floorboards, actually, but I'm not so sure. Pretty sure he's just lonely. I relate.
- Adrian
Maybe it's the colour of the pen he doesn't like.
Tom is still convinced our dev teacher has some skeletons in his closet - more along the lines of bodies under the floorboards, actually, but I'm not so sure. Pretty sure he's just lonely. I relate.
- Adrian
Friday 20 October 2017
A Humorous Title
Nothing will be coherent in this post. I'm writing it to get something out on here and for no other purpose. Work has exhausted me yet again. A colleague who has a penchant for throwing shit at me hit me in the eye. My face is gross and has broken out with acne again. It's all just a good giggle honestly.
I have an idea for this blog but I'm not sure how to execute it yet. Need to iron out the wrinkles and figure out what I'm doing. In the meantime, recommending topics would help me out a lot. Galactic Cafe still isn't back up and running and that makes me sad. Davey Wreden's blog posts were an inspiration to this thing I'm doing here and it's a shame I can't plug that and share it with you.
Hopefully I'll have a proper post for you this coming Tuesday. The weekend should give me time to rest and recuperate what little energy I have. I've been obsessed with Skyrim lately and I found a channel on YouTube called TheScatsbury. He has a great Skyrim glitch series that's had me in stitches. Oh, and Colossal Is Crazy released a new Cuphead rage video on his second channel, Colossal Is Lazy. If you want to see a man broken, that's the place to be.
So go check that out. Aaaanyways, I'm not going to waste your time with mindless babble. See you guys later.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
20/10/2017
I have an idea for this blog but I'm not sure how to execute it yet. Need to iron out the wrinkles and figure out what I'm doing. In the meantime, recommending topics would help me out a lot. Galactic Cafe still isn't back up and running and that makes me sad. Davey Wreden's blog posts were an inspiration to this thing I'm doing here and it's a shame I can't plug that and share it with you.
Hopefully I'll have a proper post for you this coming Tuesday. The weekend should give me time to rest and recuperate what little energy I have. I've been obsessed with Skyrim lately and I found a channel on YouTube called TheScatsbury. He has a great Skyrim glitch series that's had me in stitches. Oh, and Colossal Is Crazy released a new Cuphead rage video on his second channel, Colossal Is Lazy. If you want to see a man broken, that's the place to be.
So go check that out. Aaaanyways, I'm not going to waste your time with mindless babble. See you guys later.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
20/10/2017
Tuesday 17 October 2017
Fødseldag
As a general rule, I can't stand birthdays. Yes, yes I know. 'Oh, poor Meta! Whiny little bitch boy hates the one day of the year where everybody is nice to him!' Shut up, okay? I'm introverted as it is and a birthday means everybody feeling obligated to see and speak to you when they otherwise wouldn't remember you exist.
I've received an influx of Facebook wall posts from people I don't even speak to. I know that sounds unappreciative, but I don't even know who some of them are. I have over 200 people on my friend list and I speak to about four on the regular. They're not fooling anyone either. I know Mark Zuckerburg whips out his government ID and sends notifications to inform everybody.
Do you know what I asked for on my birthday? Hm? Go on, have a guess before you read ahead... a blender. Allow me to repeat myself - a blender. I've gotten to the age when I'm asking for kitchen appliances, and I'm going to take pleasure in eviscerating all the fruit and ice I can find. Will it blend? Let's find out.
Regardless of that, I had a surprisingly decent day and I suppose that's all anybody could ask for. I'm now going to waste the rest of my night on Skyrim and being the lame old man that doesn't drink on his special day. Have a great rest of the week, everyone, and I'll see you all on Friday.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
17/10/2017
I've received an influx of Facebook wall posts from people I don't even speak to. I know that sounds unappreciative, but I don't even know who some of them are. I have over 200 people on my friend list and I speak to about four on the regular. They're not fooling anyone either. I know Mark Zuckerburg whips out his government ID and sends notifications to inform everybody.
Do you know what I asked for on my birthday? Hm? Go on, have a guess before you read ahead... a blender. Allow me to repeat myself - a blender. I've gotten to the age when I'm asking for kitchen appliances, and I'm going to take pleasure in eviscerating all the fruit and ice I can find. Will it blend? Let's find out.
Regardless of that, I had a surprisingly decent day and I suppose that's all anybody could ask for. I'm now going to waste the rest of my night on Skyrim and being the lame old man that doesn't drink on his special day. Have a great rest of the week, everyone, and I'll see you all on Friday.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
17/10/2017
Friday 13 October 2017
RAP; Rabid, Angry People?
Somehow I managed to stumble across Elders React to Eminem on YouTube, (yeah, the Fine Brother's are still around, apparently), and the video was actually really surprising. I didn't expect a lot of them to get what rap is really about, or what it means to some people, but I found myself impressed. A lot of the older ladies were the most appreciative of Em's quick, wordy style, and some of the reactees even knew him prior to the video.
Anybody that knows Eminem, or even one of his songs, is aware of how broad the rapper's vocabulary is - something I've always personally been enamored with. His ability to twist the most obscure and un-rhymeable words is something that takes true raw talent. A talent that most generations will never come close to. I know un-rhymeable isn't a word. They don't call me Slim Shady.
One of the comments from an aged gentleman was, "why are there so many young, angry rappers?" and... it stunned me. How can there be such a disconnect from one music genre fan to another? What do most artists use music for? Usually it's some kind of escape known as catharsis - the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions. An action most people express through art. That's exactly the reason I think most rappers take to that genre, it's an accepted method of getting out as many repressed feelings as you can within the space of a few bars. For people to disregard it or simply say they don't understand is both fascinating and baffling, and really highlights a generational gap in some cases.
As much as I personally dislike the Fine Brothers I appreciate their efforts, regardless of how misguided, in introducing people to certain things and encouraging understanding in different and oftentimes opposing generations. Not only that, but it's bloody funny watching OAP's recoil in jaw-dropping fashion at Marshall's loose use of words like nut-sack and faggot. So thank you, Fine Bros, thank you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
13/10/2017
Anybody that knows Eminem, or even one of his songs, is aware of how broad the rapper's vocabulary is - something I've always personally been enamored with. His ability to twist the most obscure and un-rhymeable words is something that takes true raw talent. A talent that most generations will never come close to. I know un-rhymeable isn't a word. They don't call me Slim Shady.
One of the comments from an aged gentleman was, "why are there so many young, angry rappers?" and... it stunned me. How can there be such a disconnect from one music genre fan to another? What do most artists use music for? Usually it's some kind of escape known as catharsis - the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions. An action most people express through art. That's exactly the reason I think most rappers take to that genre, it's an accepted method of getting out as many repressed feelings as you can within the space of a few bars. For people to disregard it or simply say they don't understand is both fascinating and baffling, and really highlights a generational gap in some cases.
As much as I personally dislike the Fine Brothers I appreciate their efforts, regardless of how misguided, in introducing people to certain things and encouraging understanding in different and oftentimes opposing generations. Not only that, but it's bloody funny watching OAP's recoil in jaw-dropping fashion at Marshall's loose use of words like nut-sack and faggot. So thank you, Fine Bros, thank you.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
13/10/2017
Wednesday 11 October 2017
An Apology
Yesterday was a Tuesday. A dull Tuesday in which not much happened other than Brian and I discovering old kids shows we used to watch before the internet came into being and ruined our innocent, non-corrupt lives forever. Netflix is a treasure, I can tell you that - though after an hour of searching I just shoved The Mule into my PS4 and we watched half of that instead. I fucking love that movie, honestly. It's in my top five. Top ten, maybe? I can't remember. I'm very tired.
But anyways, this post is to apologize for not remembering to make a post yesterday; Tuesday. The dull Tuesday I mentioned before. You see, we have this commitment, you and I, and I broke that. Shattered it into a million tiny pieces. I hope we can rebuild what we had, what I obliterated with my mindless three hour naps that I could've used to write something... or work on that damn book I started but who knows when that'll ever get finished.
So yes, I'm sorry. Does that help? Does that fix it? I don't think it does but I don't know what else I can do, just tell me what you want, please! All I ever wanted was to make you happy, to keep you interested and in a state where you use your brain to ponder, but instead you're reading the ramblings of a delirious madman who's just finished off his second packet of non-brand chocolate digestives for the night. Thank god for spellcheck, too, you feel me?
I will do my utmost to post on time in future. I have not only let myself down, but I've let you down, too. My loyal readers whom I love very much. Make sure you drink enough water and that you get enough sleep. In the meantime, will somebody please remind me to do the same?
EDIT: It is now Thursday, and yesterday was no longer Tuesday. New post tomorrow, I suppose.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/10/2017
But anyways, this post is to apologize for not remembering to make a post yesterday; Tuesday. The dull Tuesday I mentioned before. You see, we have this commitment, you and I, and I broke that. Shattered it into a million tiny pieces. I hope we can rebuild what we had, what I obliterated with my mindless three hour naps that I could've used to write something... or work on that damn book I started but who knows when that'll ever get finished.
So yes, I'm sorry. Does that help? Does that fix it? I don't think it does but I don't know what else I can do, just tell me what you want, please! All I ever wanted was to make you happy, to keep you interested and in a state where you use your brain to ponder, but instead you're reading the ramblings of a delirious madman who's just finished off his second packet of non-brand chocolate digestives for the night. Thank god for spellcheck, too, you feel me?
I will do my utmost to post on time in future. I have not only let myself down, but I've let you down, too. My loyal readers whom I love very much. Make sure you drink enough water and that you get enough sleep. In the meantime, will somebody please remind me to do the same?
EDIT: It is now Thursday, and yesterday was no longer Tuesday. New post tomorrow, I suppose.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/10/2017
Friday 6 October 2017
The Drama Epidemic
Why do the vast majority of our planet's population seem to think that if you're interested in a bit of drama, you must be a creature constantly craving conflict? (That alliteration was siiick. Four C's in a row, I'm impressed). It isn't necessarily a persistent desire, but it's delightful to be allowed to caper.
I actually have no idea if it is the majority or not. Should I do some research on that?
One moment...
Upon my return, I find only two relevant articles. Huffington Post's 'are you addicted to drama?' and another from Bustle. 'Nine signs someone who says they "hate drama" actually loves it'... do you have nothing better to do with your time, Bustle? As for you, Huffington, I don't need you to tell me that I'm addicted to drama.
As an example to my aforementioned point, the ongoing beef between content creators on YouTube keeps me entertained to no end. The dynamic of the creators bickering like children in parliament - sorry, politicians - and the audience interaction becomes evermore enthralling as endless parties join in. It's not as important as 'real life' drama, so nobody feels bad partying with everyone else. In fact, it's encouraged to choose a side.
There are people I consider to be diseased smears among the YouTube-sphere that don't deserve the acclamation nor the adoration. People that lack the talent it takes to write down their own name, but I'd be inclined to admit it might be a little dull without those wretched archetypes around. If nobody enjoyed drama, there'd be no place for podcasts such as Baited! and Hot Wet Soup; both of which talk drama and trending topics on YouTube. People watch Baited! not only for the opinions, but to cackle along with Tommy C while Colossal Is Crazy and Killer Keemstar scream at one another like spoilt children.
I myself simply find extreme fascination with the online community, and the drama resulting in how different everybody is, and there's nothing wrong with that. That's why we watch commentary channels like Pyrocynical, iDubbbz and H3H3Productions, because it's the easiest way to see what's a hip-happenin' whilst listening to their opinions and enjoying their personalities.
I suggest checking out every name listed here, minus Keemstar, but hey you didn't hear that from me. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
06/10/2017
I actually have no idea if it is the majority or not. Should I do some research on that?
One moment...
Upon my return, I find only two relevant articles. Huffington Post's 'are you addicted to drama?' and another from Bustle. 'Nine signs someone who says they "hate drama" actually loves it'... do you have nothing better to do with your time, Bustle? As for you, Huffington, I don't need you to tell me that I'm addicted to drama.
As an example to my aforementioned point, the ongoing beef between content creators on YouTube keeps me entertained to no end. The dynamic of the creators bickering like children in parliament - sorry, politicians - and the audience interaction becomes evermore enthralling as endless parties join in. It's not as important as 'real life' drama, so nobody feels bad partying with everyone else. In fact, it's encouraged to choose a side.
There are people I consider to be diseased smears among the YouTube-sphere that don't deserve the acclamation nor the adoration. People that lack the talent it takes to write down their own name, but I'd be inclined to admit it might be a little dull without those wretched archetypes around. If nobody enjoyed drama, there'd be no place for podcasts such as Baited! and Hot Wet Soup; both of which talk drama and trending topics on YouTube. People watch Baited! not only for the opinions, but to cackle along with Tommy C while Colossal Is Crazy and Killer Keemstar scream at one another like spoilt children.
I myself simply find extreme fascination with the online community, and the drama resulting in how different everybody is, and there's nothing wrong with that. That's why we watch commentary channels like Pyrocynical, iDubbbz and H3H3Productions, because it's the easiest way to see what's a hip-happenin' whilst listening to their opinions and enjoying their personalities.
I suggest checking out every name listed here, minus Keemstar, but hey you didn't hear that from me. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
06/10/2017
Tuesday 3 October 2017
Learning To Fly: RIP Tom Petty
As an avid fan of Tom Petty, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers and the Travelling Wilburys, it's no surprise that the death of rock legend Tom Petty has come as quite a shock to myself, and so many others. It feels so soon after losing somebody else up there on my music influences that part of me is once again struggling with this jarring news - meanwhile the other half has been refreshing media sources all night.
Regardless of era, Petty was an artist that had a part in influencing a large portion of my music taste, as well as being a talented, kind and compassionate human being. Seeing the out-pour of support from artists and fans alike is genuinely comforting, especially in light of current events in Las Vegas.
I don't plan on outstaying my welcome on this post, but I wanted to dedicate something to somebody that meant a lot to both the musician and music listener in me. Hope to catch you ridin' around in the breeze someday, Tom.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/10/2017
Regardless of era, Petty was an artist that had a part in influencing a large portion of my music taste, as well as being a talented, kind and compassionate human being. Seeing the out-pour of support from artists and fans alike is genuinely comforting, especially in light of current events in Las Vegas.
I don't plan on outstaying my welcome on this post, but I wanted to dedicate something to somebody that meant a lot to both the musician and music listener in me. Hope to catch you ridin' around in the breeze someday, Tom.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/10/2017
Friday 29 September 2017
Access Granted
I know my last post was a little out of the park, and I'm writing this super late because I completely forgot it was Friday, but I think my writer's block is finally subsiding. I took it upon myself to write a bunch of short stories and encourage my creativity to return from it's unsolicited holiday. I like to think listening to new music helped too, and watching Dear Evan Hansen online... completely legally.
What I'm writing deals with some similar issues faced in DEH, and I love a good musical soundtrack to get the imagination cogs oiled and turning again.
Weird side note; I'm doing my best to think of a song that's stuck in my head, but I only know one line? I'm so frustrated right now. Oh my god.
It's always a fantastic feeling when you've been in a slump for a long-ass time, and then everything just comes back like blood flowing back into your veins after a dead leg. I'm aware I have the skills and the creativity to write, but sometimes my mind doesn't want to cooperate. As well as that, I know that every 'artist' goes through some kind of switch off point, but there's so much importance in find a way to switch yourself back on.
Still can't think of the bloody song. Getting annoyed now.
Anyways, this has been me. I remain - until next time.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
29/09/2017
What I'm writing deals with some similar issues faced in DEH, and I love a good musical soundtrack to get the imagination cogs oiled and turning again.
Weird side note; I'm doing my best to think of a song that's stuck in my head, but I only know one line? I'm so frustrated right now. Oh my god.
It's always a fantastic feeling when you've been in a slump for a long-ass time, and then everything just comes back like blood flowing back into your veins after a dead leg. I'm aware I have the skills and the creativity to write, but sometimes my mind doesn't want to cooperate. As well as that, I know that every 'artist' goes through some kind of switch off point, but there's so much importance in find a way to switch yourself back on.
Still can't think of the bloody song. Getting annoyed now.
Anyways, this has been me. I remain - until next time.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
29/09/2017
Tuesday 26 September 2017
A Poem
Pull String
Why is it the bathroom light always takes so long to ignite but can be doused in an instant?
Luminosity completely smothered and quashed, utterly beautiful reflections stamped out with the pull of a string.
This of course is some blown out metaphor for being, I suppose.
Even as the light splutters to life as if it were a seizure inducing ambulance siren, there is purpose without sentience.
We are sentient and often lack the drive and motivation to seek the purpose that keeps us going.
Much like the bulbs in your bathrooms, are you willing to wait until your spark wanes and dies?
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
26/09/2017
Friday 22 September 2017
YCC: End Of Summer Ball
The Yorkshire Cosplay Con: End of Summer Ball was lovely while it lasted. Pulling up outside the Royal Victoria hotel and seeing everyone dressed up to the nines was lovely. Brian and I attended as Sam and Nathan Drake from Uncharted 4: A Thief's End, suited up for an auction heist. I got to meet up with one of my best online friends who cosplays Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth.
Spending the afternoon with my two companions was genuinely one of the nicest times I've had at con. Since I rarely see Jareth, I plan on stealing as much of his attention as I can while he's around. The time is full of hugs and dad jokes, the latter pulling an eye-roll from Brian every single time.
The highlight was probably some young dude in a suit singing You Raise Me Up while everybody joined in, and watching characters from every franchise dancing to Gangnam Style. The thing about con is it brings everybody together - I found myself speaking to people I'd never met before, and with that I gained so many more acquaintances. I have selfies on my phone with people I don't even know the names of.
Imagine; completely sober but checking your phone the morning after and discovering a slew of selfies, phone numbers and usernames that you can't put names or faces to and feeling like the whore of the convention community. It's a good time, I implore you all to find your closest local convention and go there. Socialise, make friends, trade... bodily fluids and- never mind.
Another successful convention to tick off the list. Hope everybody has a good weekend. Night all.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/09/2017
Spending the afternoon with my two companions was genuinely one of the nicest times I've had at con. Since I rarely see Jareth, I plan on stealing as much of his attention as I can while he's around. The time is full of hugs and dad jokes, the latter pulling an eye-roll from Brian every single time.
The highlight was probably some young dude in a suit singing You Raise Me Up while everybody joined in, and watching characters from every franchise dancing to Gangnam Style. The thing about con is it brings everybody together - I found myself speaking to people I'd never met before, and with that I gained so many more acquaintances. I have selfies on my phone with people I don't even know the names of.
Imagine; completely sober but checking your phone the morning after and discovering a slew of selfies, phone numbers and usernames that you can't put names or faces to and feeling like the whore of the convention community. It's a good time, I implore you all to find your closest local convention and go there. Socialise, make friends, trade... bodily fluids and- never mind.
Another successful convention to tick off the list. Hope everybody has a good weekend. Night all.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
22/09/2017
Tuesday 19 September 2017
The Brightest Light
Yesterday the official music video for Linkin Park's One More Light was dropped on their YouTube channel, and I don't think anybody was prepared. As you would probably expect, the video is four and a half minutes of raw emotion. I know Chester used to sing it for Chris Cornell after his passing, but now I struggle to associate it with anybody but Chester.
It's been a few months since his passing, and I know myself and so many others still think about and miss Chester every single day. Such a bright smile hiding so much pain behind a soul that did nothing but shine. It's hard to believe that he's still gone, that we haven't woken up from this yet, but I'm so glad we all have the resources to remember him when he was truly at his finest.
I implore you to go check out the video if you want to see a man being bathed in well deserved love and affection - and, y'know, if you want to cry... a lot. It's a perfect mish-mash of a live performance of the song, and of so many happy moments Chester got to experience. Moments that will live on through us because we get to experience them alongside him.
I'm sorry this Tuesday's post isn't longer, but I don't want to outstay my welcome on this particular topic. I'll leave a link for you to check out the video. Until next time, guys.
One More Light (Official Video) - Linkin Park
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/09/2017
It's been a few months since his passing, and I know myself and so many others still think about and miss Chester every single day. Such a bright smile hiding so much pain behind a soul that did nothing but shine. It's hard to believe that he's still gone, that we haven't woken up from this yet, but I'm so glad we all have the resources to remember him when he was truly at his finest.
I implore you to go check out the video if you want to see a man being bathed in well deserved love and affection - and, y'know, if you want to cry... a lot. It's a perfect mish-mash of a live performance of the song, and of so many happy moments Chester got to experience. Moments that will live on through us because we get to experience them alongside him.
I'm sorry this Tuesday's post isn't longer, but I don't want to outstay my welcome on this particular topic. I'll leave a link for you to check out the video. Until next time, guys.
One More Light (Official Video) - Linkin Park
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
19/09/2017
Friday 15 September 2017
Two Rules of Business
"You're a nasty piece of work, you are."
"Sorry mate, just the way I am."
"But you don't have to be."
Confused yet? Yeah, me too. It seems an OAP volunteering at the same warehouse I work at decided to get in my face all day, make comments and then call me a 'nasty piece of work' because he basically didn't understand humour and jokes I share with my colleagues and friends. Like shit, don't judge somebody on what they say to their friends.
It doesn't bother me. Hell, I've spent too long caring what people think. Do not judge me on my work, the way I speak or my persona if you haven't even known me a week. We've spent less than twenty four hours working together. Maybe you think I'm supposed to be hugs, smiles and glitter but the brutal truth is I'm not the perfect individual you envisioned.
I have flaws and I have issues, but don't you dare try to project an image of what you want me to be, or what you think I should be onto me. You don't know me. I've spent two years working alongside the people I was joking around with, and they are well aware that I would never say a single word against them and really mean it.
I am me. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not sorry that I'm not who or what you want me to be. Perhaps you should be focusing more on yourself and what you need to fix. Do not make your issues mine. If you're unhappy with the way in which I choose to conduct my life, well sweetie, that's your problem.
You might be wondering why the title is what it is. What are the two rules of business? Mind your own, and stay the hell out of mine.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
15/09/2017
"Sorry mate, just the way I am."
"But you don't have to be."
Confused yet? Yeah, me too. It seems an OAP volunteering at the same warehouse I work at decided to get in my face all day, make comments and then call me a 'nasty piece of work' because he basically didn't understand humour and jokes I share with my colleagues and friends. Like shit, don't judge somebody on what they say to their friends.
It doesn't bother me. Hell, I've spent too long caring what people think. Do not judge me on my work, the way I speak or my persona if you haven't even known me a week. We've spent less than twenty four hours working together. Maybe you think I'm supposed to be hugs, smiles and glitter but the brutal truth is I'm not the perfect individual you envisioned.
I have flaws and I have issues, but don't you dare try to project an image of what you want me to be, or what you think I should be onto me. You don't know me. I've spent two years working alongside the people I was joking around with, and they are well aware that I would never say a single word against them and really mean it.
I am me. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not sorry that I'm not who or what you want me to be. Perhaps you should be focusing more on yourself and what you need to fix. Do not make your issues mine. If you're unhappy with the way in which I choose to conduct my life, well sweetie, that's your problem.
You might be wondering why the title is what it is. What are the two rules of business? Mind your own, and stay the hell out of mine.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
15/09/2017
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Elder Lols: Fun With Skyrim
I've been having quite a bit of fun on Skyrim since last week. Me and my lovely went on a journey to the local shopping centre and I picked up the special edition as prompted by a mate. It was either that or Dark Souls III. DS was actually two quid cheaper but I've heard better things about Skyrim, and I must say I'm impressed.
The game originally came out when I was still in college, and I remember students and lecturers alike all taking days off to play on release. The same happened with GTA V and The Witcher 3, but I expect nothing less from a gaming course, honestly. Bunch'a nerds.
So what have I done so far since Saturday? Not a whole lot, really. I got to Riverwood, ransacked Gerdur's house, got lost somewhere in the mountains, threw myself off a cliff singing, "AHHHHHHH SVENYAAAAA!" because I wanted to test how far I could fall until I died, and completed the Golden Claw quest. I reckon I'm going to join the Stormcloaks because fuck the Imperials. Imperials? In a game? Never a good sign.
I also delivered a letter from Faendal to Camilla and told her it was from Sven. So now Camilla doesn't ever want to speak to Sven again. He was the one that started the whole mess of a situation though, I mean, he wanted me to take a letter to Camilla and say it was from Faendal, and I couldn't do that. I just couldn't! Faendal did nothing wrong! I know Sven played me a song when I was relaxing at the inn but I simply dislike the way he throws his weight around. If anything I feel bad for Camilla. The lady spends her days sweeping Lucan's shop and can't even get a break in her romantic life.
Not entirely sure how to go about making potions yet, but I've spent a bit of time cooking and getting a few levels up. I'm using Faendal to up my archery level, too, but because he's a follower now, I can just access his inventory, take the money I gave him and use it again for more archery training. Seems a bit backwards honestly, but it's amusing to say the least. I'm just really looking forward to getting in some decent playtime and seeing how I progress. I'm loving it so far.
See you guys on Friday, might have a few more updates for then.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/09/2017
The game originally came out when I was still in college, and I remember students and lecturers alike all taking days off to play on release. The same happened with GTA V and The Witcher 3, but I expect nothing less from a gaming course, honestly. Bunch'a nerds.
So what have I done so far since Saturday? Not a whole lot, really. I got to Riverwood, ransacked Gerdur's house, got lost somewhere in the mountains, threw myself off a cliff singing, "AHHHHHHH SVENYAAAAA!" because I wanted to test how far I could fall until I died, and completed the Golden Claw quest. I reckon I'm going to join the Stormcloaks because fuck the Imperials. Imperials? In a game? Never a good sign.
I also delivered a letter from Faendal to Camilla and told her it was from Sven. So now Camilla doesn't ever want to speak to Sven again. He was the one that started the whole mess of a situation though, I mean, he wanted me to take a letter to Camilla and say it was from Faendal, and I couldn't do that. I just couldn't! Faendal did nothing wrong! I know Sven played me a song when I was relaxing at the inn but I simply dislike the way he throws his weight around. If anything I feel bad for Camilla. The lady spends her days sweeping Lucan's shop and can't even get a break in her romantic life.
Not entirely sure how to go about making potions yet, but I've spent a bit of time cooking and getting a few levels up. I'm using Faendal to up my archery level, too, but because he's a follower now, I can just access his inventory, take the money I gave him and use it again for more archery training. Seems a bit backwards honestly, but it's amusing to say the least. I'm just really looking forward to getting in some decent playtime and seeing how I progress. I'm loving it so far.
See you guys on Friday, might have a few more updates for then.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/09/2017
Saturday 9 September 2017
Romance Is... Alive?
So for the first time in ages last night, I actually slept really well. My memory foam mattress causes me so much back ache and rib pain that it wakes me up, and I spend most of the time rolling around. Hence disturbed and restless sleep. Granted I still spent a bit of time rolling around, but I dropped right off again and woke up at 11:45am. My right ear was blocked up but, hey... can't have everything.
I always seem to sleep really well when my lovely is beside me. We always fall asleep holding hands and it's nice to feel comforted and not alone for once. Bugs me when people say that romance is dead. Is it? For our one year anniversary, I molded and painted a heart I made out of clay and covered it in blood, then presented it in a cloche jar alongside a preserved, dead rose. It's up to us to make our own romance. Even the meaning of the word is subjective.
Something as small as sending a link for a song that reminds you of them, or as large as some grand gesture, it's all romantic in itself. Depends on the person. Anyway, I'm sorry this post is late going up. I don't get to see lovely that often as of late so I decided to spend as much time with them as possible rather than writing up a post. My apologies.
Off to a free convention with Brian tomorrow. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll let you all know my findings upon my return.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
09/09/2017
I always seem to sleep really well when my lovely is beside me. We always fall asleep holding hands and it's nice to feel comforted and not alone for once. Bugs me when people say that romance is dead. Is it? For our one year anniversary, I molded and painted a heart I made out of clay and covered it in blood, then presented it in a cloche jar alongside a preserved, dead rose. It's up to us to make our own romance. Even the meaning of the word is subjective.
Something as small as sending a link for a song that reminds you of them, or as large as some grand gesture, it's all romantic in itself. Depends on the person. Anyway, I'm sorry this post is late going up. I don't get to see lovely that often as of late so I decided to spend as much time with them as possible rather than writing up a post. My apologies.
Off to a free convention with Brian tomorrow. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll let you all know my findings upon my return.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
09/09/2017
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