My schedule, at this point, is non-existent. Do you miss me? Do you miss me at all? When I used to plan things and upload on time before my life sTARTED FALLING APART-
I'm kidding.
I'm not, but still! Schedules are for people with no imagination. Who knows when I'll just pop in with an innovative, groundbreaking post that completely alters your perception of the world around you... I've been wondering the same thing. Where oh where did my good content go? I've no idea, but you know what? You know why the blog is drying up like Amy Schumer's career? (Somebody please make her stop). It's because it's been a whole year since I started this... this thing!
Woo!
Hurrah!
Happy Anniversary to you Meta Sentience!
Somebody, please send help. Release me from this hell.
In all seriousness, I feel like I've explored a lot of things this past year. I've uploaded twice every week, more if the situation struck me, and I've felt a growth. An insignificant amount of self-discovery, perhaps, but an amount nonetheless. I've given myself time to focus properly on my writing, which is something I wanted to achieve. I set a goal, and for once I actually made the effort to reach it. Maybe I didn't cover anything some people would find particularly interesting, but I did it.
It's actually strange thinking back on the posts that I've written in only twelve months. Game and movie reviews, my thoughts and feelings about certain things - I even broached politics; something I promised I would stay away from for your benefit. The YouTube drama that was taking place back in January with Logan Paul being allowed to do as he pleases. He is a persisting problem, by the way, somebody get on that ASAP. Can anybody really believe it's been six months since he strolled into the suicide forest with the intention of filming corpses for that sweet, sweet ad revenue?
And where are we now? ... me complaining about my drastically declining mental health while my life continuously struggles to get started. The jump cables keeping me running are held together with glue and electrical tape but somehow they refuse to give out. I'm proud of myself for that if nothing else. That, and for this blog. In a way, it's been a lifeline and maybe I haven't given it or myself enough credit.
I might think about uploading once a week now that the first year is over. More time might give me a chance to write some great and meaningful content. I'd like that a lot. Thank you for sticking with me and for giving me the benefit of the doubt when I was struggling. Having my writing seen by the few that still read this feels indescribably euphoric. You give me the chance to be heard.
Thank you. x
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
20/06/2018
Wednesday 20 June 2018
Saturday 16 June 2018
Solitude
I watched a programme today about five people voluntarily going into solitary confinement for five days with absolutely no connection to the outside world. As I was watching, I couldn’t help but think how insane that experience would send me. Despite being very introverted, I spend a lot of time on my phone - never really doing all that much, but just enough to satisfy my restlessness. It's a problem, I know that, and I need to get better with it.
A couple of days in confinement is unfathomable, let alone, let's say, forty years like Charles bronson had to endure. I need some form of contact whether I like to admit it or not. Leaving my apartment is an absolute chore and I don't enjoy dealing with people at all, but I know if I didn't go out, and if I didn't have the internet, I would crack. Isn't that absolutely sad? How much we rely on social media in order to just... not go mental? We chose that.
Music is a big thing for me. Music, writing and games. All three allow me to get out of my own head and be somewhere else. Have you ever listened to a song and imagined that you're the main character in a film or a music video? I do that a lot. Especially with sad songs. I don't know why, but I really like unhappy music. A lot of people say that it brings their mood down, but if anything it allows me to reflect. I think if I had to deal with something like solitary confinement I would take an iPod, or a CD player or something. Bronson's preferred mode of entertainment is his art, and I think that says a lot about him.
I'm not sure what this post was supposed to be. I didn't really have a plan. I guess I was just thinking about being alone. Choosing loneliness is one thing, but being forced into it is... something else.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/06/2018
A couple of days in confinement is unfathomable, let alone, let's say, forty years like Charles bronson had to endure. I need some form of contact whether I like to admit it or not. Leaving my apartment is an absolute chore and I don't enjoy dealing with people at all, but I know if I didn't go out, and if I didn't have the internet, I would crack. Isn't that absolutely sad? How much we rely on social media in order to just... not go mental? We chose that.
Music is a big thing for me. Music, writing and games. All three allow me to get out of my own head and be somewhere else. Have you ever listened to a song and imagined that you're the main character in a film or a music video? I do that a lot. Especially with sad songs. I don't know why, but I really like unhappy music. A lot of people say that it brings their mood down, but if anything it allows me to reflect. I think if I had to deal with something like solitary confinement I would take an iPod, or a CD player or something. Bronson's preferred mode of entertainment is his art, and I think that says a lot about him.
I'm not sure what this post was supposed to be. I didn't really have a plan. I guess I was just thinking about being alone. Choosing loneliness is one thing, but being forced into it is... something else.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
16/06/2018
Tuesday 12 June 2018
Manic Mentality & Gaming Stuff
I thought I'd missed posting on here today before I realised it wasn't Wednesday, which is tomorrow, but Tuesday. It's unfathomable how quickly I lose track of days. I mean, we're already in June... June! Where on earth is time going? Perhaps being sucked up in an insatiable, slobbering maw never to be seen again. Entirely possible, I think. I mean, flat-earthers still exist.
I had work for the first time in a few weeks, and it was the first time I actually enjoyed being there it in months. It seems that lately whenever I go in, my mental health declines at the velocity of Richard Hammond rolling off another race-track and as he takes the corner. After the crashes he'd had, I'm not sure why anybody would let him get into a vehicle capable of going more than thirty - bit like my brain really. One second I'm absolutely fine and in the most optimistic mood, the next I'm careering off a 500-foot drop.
Not sure how to change the subject now, but Dark Souls 3 came in the mail today. I'm going to be spending a lot of time playing it... if I can manage to pull myself away from Bloodborne. That game still gets so much flack, even after two and a half years of helping From Software push forward better mechanics for future games; better UI's and faster, more imaginative gameplay, as well as a few ideas that will be utilised in Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, (which looks exactly like NIOH btw).
I want to write more game reviews in the future so I'd really appreciate some suggestions of what you'd want to read about. Also, we're coming up to a whole year on this blog, so expect some kind of pandering thank you post around the 20th of this month... if I remember. Have a good rest of the week.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/06/2018
I had work for the first time in a few weeks, and it was the first time I actually enjoyed being there it in months. It seems that lately whenever I go in, my mental health declines at the velocity of Richard Hammond rolling off another race-track and as he takes the corner. After the crashes he'd had, I'm not sure why anybody would let him get into a vehicle capable of going more than thirty - bit like my brain really. One second I'm absolutely fine and in the most optimistic mood, the next I'm careering off a 500-foot drop.
Not sure how to change the subject now, but Dark Souls 3 came in the mail today. I'm going to be spending a lot of time playing it... if I can manage to pull myself away from Bloodborne. That game still gets so much flack, even after two and a half years of helping From Software push forward better mechanics for future games; better UI's and faster, more imaginative gameplay, as well as a few ideas that will be utilised in Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, (which looks exactly like NIOH btw).
I want to write more game reviews in the future so I'd really appreciate some suggestions of what you'd want to read about. Also, we're coming up to a whole year on this blog, so expect some kind of pandering thank you post around the 20th of this month... if I remember. Have a good rest of the week.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
12/06/2018
Friday 8 June 2018
Salt
It’s just been one of those days today. One of those days where I have no patience for anything or anybody. No, person at work that I do not like nor want to be around, I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want you to tell me about yourself - in fact you’ve already told me so much that I could write your biography. And no, I didn’t ask. No, I don’t care. You’re seeking attention and I refuse to give it to you, not because you don’t deserve my attention, no, more that you don’t deserve any at all. Please refrain from speaking to me, lest I flash white with rage and cause you great injury.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/06/2018
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
08/06/2018
Tuesday 5 June 2018
Post-Con Blues
Post-convention blues; not as cool as G.I Blues, but still very much a thing. The depression that clouds your head after an event where you see certain people only once or twice a year. It seems to come around so slowly, and then it's gone in the blink of an eye. But I can say I had a lot of fun and met a bunch of lovely people as well. The heat was the only thing really offputting about the entire weekend. It was way hotter than last year - to put that into perspective, I wore all leather and somehow faired better.
The rain on Saturday morning, though, was lovely. We left my flat dressed to the nines just as the downpour started, slow and steady at first before it picked up and became ten times heavier. I've always preferred the wet weather to sunny weather in terms of temperature control at conventions, and this time we got both. When we got there we stood beneath an umbrella for twenty or so minutes, squished in with our two friends, before we were allowed in.
It was the standard convention experience, but I had an amazing time as always. I'd describe it in more detail but honestly, I'm starving and need to go make my dinner. Have a great week everyone.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/06/2018
The rain on Saturday morning, though, was lovely. We left my flat dressed to the nines just as the downpour started, slow and steady at first before it picked up and became ten times heavier. I've always preferred the wet weather to sunny weather in terms of temperature control at conventions, and this time we got both. When we got there we stood beneath an umbrella for twenty or so minutes, squished in with our two friends, before we were allowed in.
It was the standard convention experience, but I had an amazing time as always. I'd describe it in more detail but honestly, I'm starving and need to go make my dinner. Have a great week everyone.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
05/06/2018
Sunday 3 June 2018
Short and Sweet
There's something so enigmatic about the closeness of a simple hug. The way your hearts start to beat a symphony in synchronisation if you stand together long enough, like a game of through-the-chest patty cake or a repetitive, bond-strengthening high five. In those moments anything said from either side is between the two of you, and there's something so, so magical about that. The whimsicality and safeness of being held in strong arms, of the lilting elegance of a soft embrace. Nothing beats it.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/06/2018
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
03/06/2018
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