Kit's extremely narcissistic so when I said I was struggling to think of a topic, of course she told me to write about her. But it's her birthday tomorrow, (yesterday when you'll be reading this, today when she does as she's my proofreader), so I suppose I can let her off this time.
It's difficult to think of something to write without heavily inflating her ego. What can I say that she doesn't already know? I'm thankful to her for so many reasons, but not enough for her to have some weird hold over me...
Being completely honest, she's one of the only people I can think of that didn't try to judge me before she really knew me. Granted, now she judges me constantly but we can all understand that. She listens and cares about what I have to say, and I feel good about myself. She picks me up and tells me how successful I'm capable of being if I put my energy into it. None of that life-guru bullshit, just honesty.
She's kind, and caring, and probably a better person than I'll ever be capable of being. She's funny too, but not as funny as me, of course. Sorry sorry, this is her time. She's had so many opportunities to get back at people in big ways and never taken them. Somehow, she manages to take the high road because she knows it's worth it to be civil with people. I adore her penchant for taking revenge in tiny ways that won't result in karmic backlash. Like secretly feeding her rich friend Poundland chocolate. Just brilliant.
The final thing is that I will never be able to express how much it means to me when she tells me she loves me almost everyday. I'm not saying I'm needy but if you don't say 'I love you' back, then you're simply the worst kind of person and there's no hope for you - if that statement offends you, read my previous post. You can't see it, but I'm winking at you derisively.
So yes, Kit is my best friend and I love her very much. I encourage the strangers reading this to leave her birthday messages in the comments... because that's the polite thing to do. Gosh, if I didn't prompt you to do things you'd just stay in your room all day. Probably forget to eat. Die of eventual dehydration. Are you even still reading, or are you lying face down dead on your keyboard typing an aggressive efbmuuuuuuxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in the comment box? I suppose if you're dead, there's no way of knowing. Oh! To the parent or medical professional that finds this blog post open, I implore you to click the 'publish' button so we can see whatever was inputted while the reader's corpse was quickly decomposing.
Signed,
Elijah.
Meta Sentience.
21/07/2017
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