Radio Silence

     You know when it feels like you’ve fucked up but you’re just so certain that it can’t be you? That’s how I’m feeling right now.

    I wrote a post on the 8th of March, 2019, about getting back into contact with a friend I made just after college. Things were great and now they’re not. They haven’t been great since last Christmas and I think in the period from then to now, I’ve probably seen him seven or eight times. It feels like we don’t know each other anymore. He missed my birthday completely and that hit me the hardest, I think. It’s something I never expected from him.

    It sucks because… I always end up losing everybody. Every friend I’ve ever had has either moved on, forgotten about me or cut contact. I know times change, but I didn’t think people could change so dramatically, too. It hurts. It doesn’t feel like it’s what I deserve. I try to fill my time with meaningless things but nothing fills the void. Nothing fits in the spaces where my friends were. Nothing takes that deep, twisting ache away from my heart like having them back would.

    I just wish things would go back to how they were, or that he’d just let me in. I just want to be a part of his life and I don’t understand why he won’t let me.

Signed,

Elijah.

Meta Sentience.

21/11/2022